It started with a road trip to Los Angeles for a friend’s birthday, where I decided to listen to, It Wasn’t Your Fault, by Beverly Engel.

This book found me, not the other way around. If I’m honest, the full title was intimidating (Freeing Yourself from the Shame of Childhood Abuse with the Power of Self-Compassion), but I had read other books by Engel, and I felt called to process in a way that had not been available to me before this trip.

At the time, I was looking to heal my relationships with everyone around me, not realizing I would actually deeply and profoundly start healing my relationship to myself.

On this same trip, I would be visiting my family, and even as an adult, I still felt completely unprepared for our interaction, no matter how much therapy or self improvement I had done over the years. My shame and guilt had prevented me from really believing in myself and my potential - from stepping into my full power. I was crippled with second-guessing or overthinking my situation.

As I travelled the 9 hour drive from Portland to San Francisco, and again the next day for 10 hours from San Francisco to Los Angeles, I sat in tears grieving the wounding from my childhood.

Beverly Engel's work on shame is so practical, so grounded and offers actual exercises to work with. That is one of the things I find so wonderful about her - how unflinching she is about the hard stuff - just like I am.

Some things were really hard to read, and I found myself pushing the information away or feeling mad- then there would be an exercise to work through any aversive feelings. The exercises were intended for me to understand, forgive and accept my actions and beliefs.

Beverly explains why shame can result from childhood abuse, how it manifests in adulthood, and how to resolve it. Her book helped me fill in an important element: self-compassion for my experience. I had received compassion from my therapists and friends over the years, but I’m not sure that I had ever truly given it to myself before I read this book.

To be honest, I’m not sure I knew how.

It Wasn’t Your Fault, also quickly changed how I met my emotions. Instead of, "I am so messed up and I can't even handle the simplest of relationships," I was able to move into, "It is understandable I'd have difficulty with relationships, given my past."

During The Phoenix Immersion, we discuss how carried shame, plus unexpressed feelings, and carried feelings (from our primary caregivers) turn into core issue triggering. I have Beverly Engel’s work to thank for deepening my understanding and awareness around my own carried shame so I could assist others through the same process, and I am so grateful to my higher self for leading me to this book.

To find out more, read reviews, or purchase this book go here.