How To Set Healthy Boundaries

Setting boundaries is essential if we want to be both physically and emotionally healthy.

Creating healthy boundaries is empowering. By recognizing the need to set and enforce physical and emotional limits, you protect your self-esteem, maintain self-respect, and enjoy healthy relationships. By setting energetic boundaries, you are able to better navigate challenging circumstances, feel better, and shield yourself from daily stress, irritants, and other people’s energy.  

Unhealthy boundaries cause emotional pain that can lead to dependency, depression, anxiety, and even stress-induced physical illness. A lack of boundaries is like leaving the door to your home unlocked: anyone on the street can enter at will. On the other hand, having too rigid of boundaries can lead to social and emotional isolation, like you are living at the top of a castle surrounded by a wall of thorns, and a moat. No one can get in, and it takes a lot of effort for you to ever leave.

What Are Boundaries?

Boundaries are guidelines, rules, or limits that a person creates to identify for themselves what are reasonable, safe, and permissible ways for other people to behave around them, and how they will respond when someone steps outside those limits. 

By definition, boundaries are a system of limit setting that enhances a person’s ability to have a sense of self and control the impact of reality on themselves and others.

Healthy boundaries are a crucial component of self-care. That’s because in work or in our interpersonal relationships, poor boundaries lead to resentment, anger, and burnout. The purpose of boundaries is to protect and contain our reality.

Setting healthy boundaries can have many benefits, including helping people make decisions based upon what is best for them, not just the people around them. This autonomy is an important part and component of self-care.

The types of boundaries one might set depends upon the setting. One person’s healthy boundaries with a romantic partner will be very different from that same person’s healthy boundaries with a boss or coworker, and they will also be very different from the boundaries you might choose, and so on.

The easiest way to think about a boundary is a property line with a fence. If you also see a “No Trespassing” sign on the fence, this sends you a clear message that if you violate this boundary, there will be a consequence. This type of boundary is easy to understand because you can see the sign and the border it protects. Personal boundaries can be harder to define because the lines are invisible, can and do change, and are unique to each individual. 

Personal boundaries, just like the “No Trespassing” sign, define where you end and others begin and are determined by the amount of physical and emotional space you allow between yourself and others. 

Personal boundaries help you decide what types of communication, behavior, and interaction are acceptable. 

Why is it important to set boundaries? 

• To practice self-care and self-respect 

• To communicate your needs in a relationship 

• To make time and space for positive interactions 

• To set limits in a relationship in a way that is healthy for you

Physical And Spiritual Boundaries 

Physical and spiritual boundaries provide a barrier between you and a physical or energetic invasion into your space. It’s similar to how a Band-Aid might protect a wound from bacteria, or a mask might protect you from Covid. These boundaries protect the physical and energetic bodies by controlling physical distance, touch, emotion, vibration and sensation. 

Physical Boundaries include your body, sense of personal space, sexual orientation, and sense of privacy, expressed through clothing, shelter, noise tolerance, verbal instruction, and body language. 

Spiritual boundaries use your physical and personal boundaries for connection with self, others, and your Higher Power.

A typical example of a physical boundary violation would be someone who is a close talker. Your immediate and automatic reaction would be to step back in order to reset your personal space to a level that is right and comfortable to you. By doing this, you send a non-verbal message or cue that when this person stands so close to you, you feel an invasion of your personal space. 

If your close talker continues to move closer to you, you might verbally tell him/her to stop and stay where they are. If you continue to feel threatened or pressured, you may also notice and start to feel the sensations of panic or fear, which is a tingling at the top of your stomach.

Other examples of physical boundary invasions are: 

• Touching a person without his/her permission, or knowingly exposing others to a contagious illness.

• Looking through others’ personal files and emails, or listening to another's private conversations without his/her permission. 

• Not allowing a person to have privacy and violating a person's right to privacy. 

Emotional And Intellectual Boundaries 

Emotional boundaries affect your self-esteem, the ability to separate your feelings from others’, or how you give meaning to incoming data. When you have weak emotional boundaries, it’s like getting caught in the midst of a hurricane with nowhere to run. You are exposed and vulnerable and greatly affected by your conditions. You are bombarded by all the sensations surrounding you: others’ words, thoughts, and actions. In particular, specific beliefs, behaviors, choices, or a sense of responsibility or indebtedness, and your ability or willingness to be intimate with others. 

Examples of emotional and intellectual boundary violations are: 

• Not knowing how to separate your feelings from your partner’s and allowing his/her mood to dictate your level of happiness or sadness (a.k.a. codependency). 

• Sacrificing your plans, dreams, and goals in order to please others. 

• Victimhood - not taking responsibility for yourself and blaming others for your problems. 

• Lying, breaking commitments for no reason, or by word or deed, indicating that a person is worthless.

What Are Barriers to Boundary Setting? 

It seems obvious that no one would want his/her boundaries violated. So why do we allow it to happen? Why don’t we enforce or uphold our boundaries?

• Wanting to be liked, combined with our fear of rejection and, ultimately, abandonment.

• Our fear of strong emotions in ourselves, or others, and also confrontation. 

• Our low self-worth, guilt, and chronic self blame.

• Our shame over never having healthy boundaries modeled to us by our parents.

• Our low self worth and excessive altruism.

Assessing The Current State Of Your Boundaries 

Healthy boundaries allow you to: 

• Have high self-esteem and self-respect, which encourages self-love and self-care. 

• Share personal information gradually, in a mutually sharing, emotionally balanced and trusting relationship. 

• Protect physical and emotional space from intrusion from others. 

• Have a partnership where responsibility, power, and energetic exchange are shared equally. 

• Be assertive, ask, and speak up confidently. 

• Truthfully say “yes” or “no” and be okay when others say “no” to you. 

• Separate your needs, thoughts, feelings, and desires from those around you. Stop taking everyone else on. 

• Recognize that we have free will, and your boundaries and needs are specific to you, and different from those around you. 

• Empower yourself to make healthy choices that are the best for you and your personal growth, by taking full responsibility for yourself. 

If you are dealing with someone who is physically dangerous or threatening to you, it may not be safe to attempt to set explicit boundaries with them. If you are in this situation, it can be really helpful to work with a guide, coach, mentor, or therapist, or anyone who can advocate for you in order to create a strategic safety plan, and boundary setting may be a part of this. 

Unhealthy boundaries are characterized by: 

• Sharing too much too soon or expressing intense feelings of attraction in an aggressive way.

• At the other end of the spectrum, closing yourself off and not expressing your needs and wants in the relationship. Expecting others to read your mind.

• Excessive conscientiousness or feeling responsible for another’s happiness. 

• Inability to say “no” for fear of rejection or abandonment. 

• A weak sense of your own identity. You base how you feel about yourself on how others love and treat you. 

• Disempowerment. You allow others to make decisions for you; consequently, you feel powerless and do not take responsibility for your own life. 

Tips for Setting Healthy Boundaries 

When you identify the need to set a boundary, do it clearly, calmly, firmly, respectfully, and in as few words as possible. Do not justify, get angry, or apologize for the boundary you are setting. Not over-explaining yourself is a crucial aspect of setting boundaries, as everyone has the right to determine what they do and don’t do.

You are not responsible for the other person’s reaction to the boundary you are setting with them. You are only responsible for communicating your boundary in a respectful  and compassionate manner. Compassion has the word “passion” included, so it’s perfectly okay for you to advocate for yourself in a loving way. 

If it upsets them, please understand, this experience is highlighting the personal self growth that the receiving individual needs to work on. We all have free will, and whether or not they choose to grow from this experience between the two of you is of their own choosing. 

Some people, especially those accustomed to controlling, abusing, or manipulating you, might test you regularly. Plan on it, expect it, but remain firm and do not seek their approval. Try not to react, stay neutral, soothe yourself and be the observer. Notice how two people can experience different realities and that is okay. Decide the duration of your conversation and the topics you wish to discuss.

Remember, your behavior must match the boundaries you are setting, and your boundary setting must be a reasonable action you will take. You cannot successfully establish a clear boundary if you send mixed messages by apologizing. At first, you will probably feel selfish, guilty, or embarrassed when you set a boundary. Anyone who calls you selfish is only angry because you aren’t doing what they expect from you. Remind yourself you are worthy of asking for what you need. You also have the right to practice self-care. 

Setting boundaries takes practice and determination. Don’t let anxiety, fear, or guilt prevent you from taking care of yourself. When you feel anger or resentment or find yourself whining or complaining, you probably need to set a boundary. Listen to yourself, determine what you need to do or say, then communicate assertively. 

Learning to set healthy boundaries takes time. It is a process. Set them in your own time frame, not when someone else tells you to. Develop a support system of people who respect your right to set boundaries. Eliminate toxic people from your life— those who want to manipulate, abuse, and control you.

How To Set Personal and Emotional Boundaries

The first part of setting boundaries is examining the boundaries that already exist (or are lacking) in one’s life. In other words, healthy boundaries can be the difference between a healthy, happy relationship and a toxic, dysfunctional relationship between you and those around you.

Keep the focus on yourself. Another important thing to remember is: “It is impossible to set boundaries and limits without setting consequences (an action I will take)”. This means that when setting boundaries, it is important to explicitly state why they are important.

One good way to avoid crossing someone’s boundaries (and to avoid having one’s own boundaries crossed) is to have honest conversations about boundaries with people. Begin this process by doing the following:

1. Clearly identify your boundary. Get really clear with yourself about what the boundary is that you need to set. Do you need your mother to stop calling you all together, or can she call you under certain circumstances? Can you set a time and day of the week to agree to speak, or update her through text message so her anxious attachment disorder doesn’t kick in? 

2. Understand why you need the boundary. If you aren’t clear on what your needs are, you won’t be able to communicate your expectations to her, and your mother won’t have any idea how to treat you any differently. By expressing yourself and setting a limit, you are giving her a choice to behave and show up differently. An inconsistent boundary is not as effective, and is considered passive-aggressive. So spend time to figure out exactly what you need before taking any action. 

3. Be straightforward. Don’t be cryptic or purposefully vague thinking you’re going to spare someone’s feelings or avoid a conflict. The kindest and most successful approach is to be direct. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

4. Don’t apologize, or give long explanations as to why. This kind of behavior undermines your authority, and gives the impression that you’re doing something wrong that requires an apology or a justification. You never need to say sorry unless you’ve inflicted harm intentionally, or you empathize with another person’s situation.

5. Use a calm and polite tone. Keep your own anger in check. Don’t try to set boundaries in the middle of an argument. Wait until you are less reactive, contained, and realistic. You want your needs and wants to be heard. Yelling, lecturing, giving advice, sarcasm, or a condescending tone all put others on the defensive, where they feel attacked and distracts you both from the real issues.

6. Start with tighter boundaries to begin with. It’s always easier to loosen up tight boundaries than it is to tighten loose boundaries. I see so many people making this mistake, especially as fearful parents of teenagers. When you meet a new friend or start a new job, naturally you want to make a good impression, be agreeable, and fit in. As a result you’re likely to over-extend yourself, agree to commitments or viewpoints that you normally wouldn’t, ignore red flags and put up with abusive people or environments.

7. Address boundary violations early and often. Small problems are always easier to manage. Don’t wait until someone’s violated your boundary a dozen times before you speak up to them. It’s not fair to assume that others know your boundaries until you’ve explained them. Nor is it fair to abruptly change the rules.

8. Stay neutral. Don’t make it personal. Setting a boundary isn’t a personal attack. How would you prefer to receive this information, if you were on the receiving end? 

9. Use a support system - a guide, coach, mentor, or therapist. Starting to set boundaries is tough! It can bring up a lot of questions, uncomfortable feelings, and self-doubt. Having a support system of family or friends is also invaluable whenever you’re doing something challenging. 

10. Trust your intuition. Be sure to slow down and tune into yourself. Pay attention to what you’re feeling. What is your gut telling you? If it feels wrong, make a change. 

Following these ten steps will help guide you toward setting and maintaining healthy boundaries. And remember that healthy boundaries are not only good for you, but they’re good for everyone.

If you would like to learn more about how to establish healthy boundaries in your life, this is something I cover in my three day personal retreat, The Phoenix Immersion Program, or join us in 2025 for The Phoenix Immersion Retreat in Portland, Oregon, or online.

Does Energy Healing Work?

Whether you recognize it or not, you have entered into an energetic era, helping to expand your consciousness and redefine your understanding of your soul. You are awakening to know yourself even more as a multisensory being, releasing the beliefs of having only five-senses.

In fact, you are a latticework of energies and systems, remarkably complex, exquisitely coordinated, and entirely unique. There are invisible energies that shape the way you feel, the way you think, and the way you live. Using your own energy systems, such as your meridians (your body's energy pathways), chakras (your body’s energy centers), and aura (your body’s energy atmosphere), you can optimize your body’s natural capacities to heal itself and stay healthy. You can manage your energies to more effectively meet stress, reduce anxiety, and free yourself from ailments. In addition, you can apply what you learn for yourself to benefit family members and other loved ones.

The Path To Healing Begins With You

The first practitioner of energy medicine is you, the one that inhabits the body being cared for. Healing isn't just for times of great pain or strife. It is something that can be done to create feelings of peace, relaxation, and well-being every single day. And, more importantly, everyone possesses the power to be their own healer. 

Everyone has the ability to learn, expand, and use extra sensory perception to feel better in their body, thoughts, and spirit. Everyone can use energy to create more of the life that they are wanting-- they only need to learn how to align with their higher self and tune into their energy, so that they can unlock their abilities. These tools help with every aspect of your life and there is no better time to give them to yourself. Chances are you're already intuitive and picking up more foreign energy than you think. 

When you learn how to replenish, strengthen your field, release (thoughts, events and people), be in present time, and use energy to start creating -- life gets easier, more fun, and more manageable. When you learn how to heal your energy body, your aura, chakras, and other energetic components of your field, you feel better, you're more healthy, and your mind is more at ease.

How Does Energy Healing Work?

Energy healing, or energy medicine, is based on the ancient concept that there is a vital force, an underlying flow of energy, both within the physical body and extending from it. The body's entire energy system is referred to as the energy field, the energetic body, the biofield, or the subtle body--all interchangeable terms.

This system of energy is the template from which the physical body grows, and it guides the body's function. I like to think of the physical body as a tree and the energy body as the deep rich earth in which the tree grows. The condition and nutrients of the soil affects the tree's growth and health. While factors other than the soil (such as disease, overnight temperatures, or poor indirect sunlight) might impact the health of the tree, the overall reach and thickness of its roots, as well as its health and growth, relies on and has a symbiotic relationship with the soil.

The flow of energy through the energetic body can be compared to the flow of water in a creek, which dumps into a river and eventually finds its way out to the sea. If a dam is built anywhere along that river (an energy block forms), or if a huge rain dumps extra water into the river (there is an enormous influx of energy), the water will overflow to create new streams. If there is drought, or a shortage of water (energy), the smaller, shallower tributaries will dry up. Our goal in energy healing is to keep the water (the energy) flowing smoothly throughout your system by clearing the main river way and the tributaries and dredging any silt that builds up, so to speak.

What is the anatomy of the energy body? That depends on how the healer was taught. Different healers perceive, see, and describe the energy body differently, according to how they were trained. 

In Western culture today, the most commonly known paradigms are from traditional Chinese medicine (TCM), which includes the meridians; the chakra system and aura from India; and the matrix described in several shamanic traditions. 

How we are taught healing affects both how we see and hold the healing and how we perceive the energy field. This is a key point to keep in mind, as it can be quite confusing for a beginner to understand why different energy healers may have such different and varied explanations and therapies for the same energetic dynamics happening in one individual.

The energetic body is the underlying flow of energy that assists and supports the body's normal functioning. The energetic body is in constant flow and movement. We can assist the health of the energetic body and the flow of energy by opening energy channels and allowing sluggish or stagnant energy to flow in its natural patterns. Illness, symptoms, and energy blocks all occur in an effort to bring an energy pattern back to its natural flow. 

It is important to stress that healing is the restoration of the underlying flow in the body. Healing is the unwinding of energy blocks; healing is redemption of a wound that has been inflicted or an illness that has appeared; healing is the movement of the energetic body back toward wholeness, back toward its original pattern, albeit with imperfection or scars, and most often with change.

Energy healing means keeping the energy body as clear as possible and the energy flowing through it in a healthy way. A healthy body adapts - this is the body's ability to move energy naturally in response to an influx of energy or a block that occurs due to trauma or illness. A healthy energy body will promote health, increase your vitality, and also help prevent disease and illness from developing. 

If you are already healthy then using energy healing techniques to restore and maintain energetic balance will enable you to see what is occurring in your energy body, as you become more aware of the energy flow. 

If you have had surgery or are sick or injured, working with your energetic body can help you speed up healing in your physical body. If you are experiencing pain or a chronic illness, you will notice that using energy healing on yourself over time will begin to move blocks in your body and begin your journey back to energy balance and adaptation.

The Energy Healing I Practice

Reiki, a renowned ancient wellness practice with roots in Japan, uses soothing vibrations, usually generated from the hands, to release emotional blockages and relax the body. This proven and honored technique is a natural way to strengthen your immune system, lower stress levels, and relieve physical and emotional pain. With expert guidance, anyone can tap into their inner healer and cultivate a Reiki practice that rejuvenates their mind, body, and spirit.

When I first found Reiki, I approached it, as well as other energetic modalities, as an open-minded skeptic. Yet, there was no denying after my first session how different I felt afterwards - relaxed on every level, my mind free of nagging thoughts, my heart light and uplifted, and my body energetically buzzing.

When I became attuned to Reiki I, I remember wondering if I was really feeling and sensing in my hands and body, or if everyone around me in class was “making things up”. As a recovering Atheist, my trust in the universe, divine, unseen, or anything but the unscientific truth had to be restored and repaired. That took some time to heal and process, and as I began to integrate my lessons, my Reiki became stronger and my belief in helping others grew at the same intensity.

At many stages throughout my spiritual growth in most recent years, and in each modality I’ve studied (Shamanism, Reiki, Clairvoyant Training) I’ve had to re-develop trust in my intuitive abilities, since they stem from identifying my psychic senses, as well as using my imagination (or pineal gland) in different ways. I’ve also had to release blocks, resistance, and disbelief surrounding “could it really be this simple?” or “why didn’t anyone teach me this before?”. These are a few common beliefs which stand in most people’s ways of believing or practicing in the “unseen”.

When you practice energy healing, really what you are learning is how to speak the language of energy. Everything has an energetic component: our physical surroundings, our emotions, our thoughts, other people. Everything! You’re already dealing with this energetic world. What I teach my Reiki students are the tools that make management of that field (and thus your life) easier, more fun, and exciting.

The Power Of Taking Responsibility 

To live more fully, you must live in constant partnership with your body’s energy systems. Your energy system thrives on the intelligence that animates millions of processes in your body every second. More often than not, your body's intelligence is operating outside of it’s scope of competence due to being bombarded by incoming stress, and having a consistent relationship to being constantly stuck in fight or flight. 

Being in this fight or flight over a length of time can create serious health problems ranging from digestive to hormonal to more. No matter how you got there, the solution is often the same - find ways to deeply and truly relax. Not just in the body, but also in the mind.

This is how Reiki can be a complimentary practice to regular medical or psychological treatment, while also improving and accelerating your results. When a person receives Reiki, the God-Conscious part of the energy assesses where the person has blocks and then directs the healing energy, usually to the block that is nearest the hands. However, sometimes it will go to the block that is most important, even if it is far away from the hands. The Reiki energy then works with the negative thoughts and feelings that are blocking one’s natural flow of energy and heals them as well.

This can happen in a number of ways: by flowing to the affected parts of the energy field and charging them with positive energy, Reiki raises the vibration in and around the physical body where the negative thoughts and feelings are attached. Once your energy is flowing naturally, the physical organs and tissues are then able to complete their healing process.

Try to find proof that energy healing doesn’t work. There are even more testimonials that energy healing practices actually do work - such as moving breath (or prana) through breathwork and yoga, clearing your energy through intuitive meditation, reiki, or traditional Chinese medicine. All contribute to a healthier lifestyle, helping us to deal with the stresses of life in a more effective way. This explains energy healing’s growing popularity, as well as the fact that therapies, including Reiki and acupuncture are now offered alongside traditional western treatments.

Just as there are many forms of energy healing there are many energy healers in the world. It is important to find one that you feel comfortable with, that is aligned with your highest good, and works with a modality of healing that you resonate with. If you are interested in learning more about energy healing and the services I offer please reach out to me, or view all of my offerings here. I am confident that I can help you feel and be the divine individual you are meant to be, and scheduling a 15 minute connection call with me is a great place to start!

If you enjoyed reading, please join me over on Instagram for even more love, guidance, and inspiration.

The Benefits Of Alternative Healing

Have you or someone in your family experienced anxiety or depression? Do you feel sad or anxious despite prescription antidepressants and tranquilizers? Would you be interested in a more natural or holistic treatment option? Do you feel ready to get to the cause of your health problems? A holistic approach to healing looks into the complex nature of conditions such as addiction, anxiety, and depression, using a variety of alternative techniques that focus on both the mind and body.

As humanity continues to evolve, the search for holistic and alternative approaches to enhance health and well-being has infused every aspect of our culture and society. We are witnessing a remarkable renewal of interest in alternative healing techniques. For instance, according to a UCLA study, more than 60 U.S. hospitals have adopted Reiki as part of their patient services, as Reiki sessions cause patients to heal faster and with less pain. Alternative medicine is gaining acceptance as a meaningful and cost-effective way to improve patient care.

It is the nature of life to continually reach for more transformative solutions to the endless challenges that arise. In our modern, information age, everyone has access to an enormous amount of facts, data, and opinions on any subject of interest. People facing challenges with their physical, mental, or emotional health are no longer depending solely upon their physicians for advice on the management of their illness. 

Whether or not you have a healthcare background, you have unprecedented access and opportunities to learn about your body. Through the Internet, books, journals, newsletters, and support groups, more and more people are formulating their own view of their illness and how they want to approach it. Individuals are no longer passive and as patient about their healing process as they once were. There is a powerful movement of self-empowerment in the world today that originates from the sixties mindset of challenging authority.

What Is Alternative Healing?

The term “alternative therapy” refers to any health treatment not standard in Western medical practice. When used alongside standard medical practices, alternative approaches are commonly referred to by medical practitioners as “complementary” medicine.

Alternative treatments combined with conventional Western medicine help to provide supportive and life-changing opportunities for people who are sensitive to medications, or cannot afford big expensive surgeries. More than that, alternative treatments focus on prevention and treating underlying problems, not just their symptoms. Even Western medical practitioners are starting to suggest natural alternative treatments as well.

To better understand alternative healing and what it encompasses, it is best to know some of the key categories of the various treatments. They include the following:

Energy Healing

This involves the use of energy to heal the body by energizing its cells, and is based upon the theory that energy flows into, through, and then out of the human body through several energy centers known as chakras. The goal with this therapy is to create a balance of energy within the individual in order to reduce anxiety and pain and induce healing on every aspect of the physical, mental, spiritual and emotional bodies. Some examples might be Reiki, Theta Healing, Marconics, and Reconnective Healing.

Natural Products and Remedies

This involves the use of plant-based or natural materials to cure individuals of specific ailments, or to prevent the ailments from occurring in the first place. The most common and popular variations are Aromatherapy through essential oils and herbal remedies through Herbalism, Ayurvedic medicine, Traditional Chinese Medicine, Homeopathy, and Naturopathy. 

Mind and Body Practices

These involve the psychological, behavioral, social, and spiritual approaches to intervention or treatment of an individual. These are spiritual practices in order to manifest wisdom, compassion, authentic wellness, and gratitude for the benefit of all beings. The most well-known examples are yoga, and the practices of Insight Meditation (Vipassana) and loving-kindness meditation (metta), mindfulness (conscious awareness), and Breathwork.

Body-Based Therapy

This category focuses on movement and physical touch to relieve individuals from sickness, soreness, or pain. Massage therapy, Acupressure, Rolfing, Percussion Therapy and Chiropractic care are often used to help address imbalances in the body.

Alternative Medicine Techniques

These are entire systems of theory, study and practice that typically cover the non-Western medical approach or the non-conventional therapeutic approach, such as Acupuncture, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), Quantum Healing Hypnosis Technique (QHHT), and Past Life Regression Therapy.

Using Alternative Approaches to Healing

There are many variations of alternative healing modalities. Researchers continue to examine their combined benefits for a variety of patients and conditions, including cancer.

Because alternative healing techniques work with the body’s natural self-healing capabilities, it actually enhances biological healing to speed up the recovery process. It also means that the body’s own internal environment is maintained during recovery rather than damaged (sometimes permanently), which doctors say antibiotics do to the body. In the case of Western antibiotics, the individual often feels “off” in their stomach after dealing with the healing that antibiotics cause. It turns out that their stomach then has to heal as well.

With alternative remedies, the body's natural state is maintained and not depleted, which would normally require a time of rebuilding after the treatment is administered. Alternative healing modalities aim to repair and strengthen the body by giving it what it needs to fight back.

What many people do not know is that alternative therapies are powerful enough to stimulate glands to re-balance hormones by re-initiating hormone production. Hormones play an enormous role in signaling the body to increase or reduce biological processes.

People can have allergies to anything, especially medications, food, and even herbal remedies. Yet there are generally fewer problems with alternative practices than with pharmaceuticals because ingesting the man-made substances are not part of the experience, and therefore it is easier for the body to heal. Alternative remedies means that there is little potential for side-effects and allergies. These techniques do work as the body is meant to operate, and that is where alternative healing has advantages over Western medicine.

A Focus on Prevention 

Western medicine is primarily focused on managing symptoms once they appear. Alternative healing aims to treat the root cause of a condition so your body can get back to doing it’s natural processes automatically—and, in many instances, can help as a preventative. The philosophy behind alternative healing is rooted in balance and equilibrium.

Conventional medicine usually comes into play once a person becomes sick, as Western medicine was developed to address acute symptoms and trauma. However, alternative healing techniques are designed to keep your illness from occurring.

There are practitioners that treat patients with a blend of Western medicine and alternative healing, which can give the patient a well-rounded and educational experience.

Individualized Attention

Again, alternative healing modalities are centered around whole-body care, which means holistic practitioners give more attention to their patients. As you may know, physical pain can also affect a person emotionally. It’s important for that aspect of treatment to be addressed as well. With alternative practices, if a person has a serious condition, the practitioner will focus on everything. 

Many traditional doctors have too many patients, not enough time, and are primarily focused on insurance payments. On the contrary, an alternative practitioner will provide more personal time with individuals and have different payment structures to be supportive of individual needs.

Enhances Your Quality of Life

Western medicine works well for getting rid of pain at the moment, but once it subsides, the pain returns. Alternative therapies aim to ensure the source of the pain is addressed. Therefore, you’re not living your life relying on medication or going through a rollercoaster of feeling well and not feeling well.

Alternative healing techniques provide reassurance and make a person feel better about their treatment. If you know something is good, then you feel confident about it. Recipients of alternative healing techniques know they will be completely cared for and treated properly.

You only get one body, and it’s essential you treat it right. When it comes to your long-term health, alternative healing techniques can be the difference between managing your symptoms or eliminating your symptoms altogether (without side-effects) so you can get back to your normal life.

Self-Fulfillment And Self-Care Is Self-Honoring And Not Selfish

As I get older, I reflect deeply upon how to take better care of me. To silence the inner voice that critiques my progress on a goal, deadline or achievement. Instead, I meet that small wounded part of me with love, acceptance and compassion and remind myself that I’m not a machine.

I grew up in a situation where shame was given anytime I laid still and rested. I was called “lazy” if I took a nap, or “selfish” when I put my wants and needs first. My attempts to adapt to an invalidating environment consistently placed me in a pattern of self disempowerment, and as a young adult, a constant search for perfectibility and certainty in my life.

However neither perfection nor certainty exist in this world, so my search was always in vain. 

Fast forward to my early 20’s as a single mother, the concept of self-care was completely alien to me. Abandoned by both my family and my daughter’s biological father, I ate whatever I could afford, and I put my needs last like all of the women in my family had. Still motivated by creating certainty and security, I also held the firm belief that the only way to be happy and to receive love and acceptance from others was to prove myself to be worthy and capable. 

I wanted to show the world that not only could I be a great mother, I could also financially support us at the same time. Yet no matter what I did, nothing ever was good enough for the people I was trying to please, and I was always exhausted.

In my early 30’s, I remember my therapist asking me, “So, if you bought your mother a house, do you think she would love you more?”. His line of questioning always bewildered me, activating my inner child's feelings of defectiveness, requiring me to instantly defend the truth of my reality. So I rewarded that therapist by refusing to see him, and I moved on with my life, never recognizing the deep connection between the source of that question, and my vulnerability to high-demand situations.

As I continued along my path as a wife and mother, my inability to defend boundaries around self-care eventually took a toll on my body. I became exhausted, depleted, and was eventually diagnosed with Graves Disease, an autoimmune condition which also threatened my eyesight. This was a huge wake-up call, as I finally realized that sacrificing my own care for others wasn’t a true or sustainable way to live. Constantly caring outwards was literally draining the life right out of me. 

As my best friend told me at the time, “Andrea, you are literally killing yourself.” 

In reality, without self-care I had very little of myself left to give to anyone else. In addition, my wounding pattern perpetuated a victim mentally that was modeled to me through my parents. I was repeatedly taught to sacrifice my own well-being and allow others to define my reality. It wasn’t until I learned how to heal myself from Graves Disease that I finally connected all the dots. Throughout that process, I had never been so cared for in my entire life.

Fast forward to a decade later of deepening my relationship with self-care, which has shown me a very different way to live, and I now know without a doubt that self-care can transform anyone’s life. Instead, it is actually selfish not to self-care. By taking responsibility for ourselves we are doing a great service and truly caring for everyone.

As a business owner working from home, I do have a tendency to over work, over give and over do, especially since my business is heart centered and I have a deep desire to serve.

However I’ve learned to practice discernment. My boundaries have been set not to upset others, but to honor myself. Not everyone deserves access to me, especially those who take more than they give. Or those who have without conscience drained and hurt me time and time again.

As a result of these changes, I now feel inspired. It now feels normal to make self-caring choices and honor myself.

Through expanding my relationship with my higher self and inner wisdom, I’ve also come to recognize that there is a strong link between setting boundaries around self-care, and developing your own intuitive abilities, which further motivates me to honor my commitment to self-fulfillment long term.

So if your boundaries are constantly being crossed, chances are you are also ignoring your intuition. This shows up in your life as:

• Turning a blind eye to things which make you uncomfortable.

• Engaging with people in situations that you know drain your energy.

• Saying yes when your intuition is screaming no.

• People pleasing and avoiding upsetting others by staying silent even to your own detriment.

A word of advice? If you also want to develop your intuition, start by honoring yourself. Practice listening and responding. Trust your intuition and take action based upon its guidance. 

I also invite you to begin noticing when you are people-pleasing, over-extending yourself, or trying to prove your worth or earn love. And take a moment to pause and remind yourself that you are already inherently worthy of being loved and valued just as you are. If they are unable to see your value and that you are worthy of love without you proving it to them, perhaps they aren’t meant for you. 

The whole idea around personal or spiritual development revolves around building emotional resilience and healthy boundaries. That is something I am always working towards myself, and that is something I teach now. 

People will still be overbearing with their expectations of you, however you can also remind yourself that you aren’t responsible for meeting their needs - they are. In discovering the truth about self-care and what it can bring to your life, you have nothing to lose but your exhaustion.

Unblocking Your Chakras

What Are The Seven Chakras and How Can You Unblock Them?

Chakras have only recently become more well-known, with the growth in popularity of yoga and New Age philosophies. However, the concept of chakras comes to us from the yogic literature of the Hindu and Buddhist traditions from thousands of years ago, having first been mentioned in the Vedas, the ancient sacred texts of spiritual knowledge dating from 1500 to 1000 BC.

Chakras are a complex and ancient energy system found in everyone, and these centers receive, transform and distribute the universal life force throughout your body. Chakra (cakra in Sanskrit) means “wheel” and refers to energy points that should stay open and aligned, as each corresponds to a bundle of nerves, major organs, and areas of our energetic body that affect our well-being. 

You can imagine your chakras like wheels of free-flowing positive energy. Some say there are 114 different chakras; however there are seven main chakras that run along your spine, each playing a role in the flow of energy throughout your body. Each chakra is responsive to a different color, musical note, mantra, sensory experience, essential oil, crystal or mineral, spiritual lesson, and astrological sign. Those located at the sites of the major endocrine glands, correspond to particular states of consciousness, personality types and endocrine secretions. 

What Is The Difference Between Open & Closed?

When all of our chakras are open, energy can run through them freely, and harmony exists between the physical body, mind, and spirit. 

A healthy chakra can be identified by its clear and vibrant color, and the speed and smoothness of its movement, indicating your life is flowing smoothly. An unhealthy chakra is usually seen as having murky coloration and erratic or sluggish movement, or its vibration is weak, and the imbalance can show up as a physical symptom affecting a particular area of your body, or as an emotional or psychological symptom affecting your outlook.

The health and vibrancy of each chakra is influenced by both the energies that surround you and the energies projected from your own belief system (your thoughts and feelings.) This combined energy is then recorded and stored in your body and consciousness affecting how you feel and experience life. The more aware and informed you are about the state your chakras are in, the happier and healthier you will be.

How Do Chakras Work?

Each chakra rotates in a spiral vibration, originating outside our auric field and then flows into various points along the spine, which are connected to the nervous system. Every one of our chakras vibrate at a different frequency; the first chakra vibrates at the slowest densest vibration in the aura, moving up through the seventh, which vibrates at a faster, more refined frequency. 

Each chakra has a specific tone, color and filter, which allow a person to organize and digest information energetically and use it in our physical world. The first three chakras are oriented towards the physical experience which is a more dense energy frequency, so they naturally move slower than the middle and upper chakras. The heart chakra acts as the bridge between the physical chakras and the etheric spiritual experience which are centered in chakras five, six, and seven.

What Are The Colors Of The Chakras?

The chakras teach us that our bodies are made up as rays of light. Each chakra has a color that resonates with a specific frequency on the color spectrum. As this light is refracted it moves through our chakra wheels, the corresponding color appears due to the varying degrees of this wave-like energy.

For example, the crown chakra reflects white/violet because it has the shortest wavelength, and white is the highest color on the color spectrum. Respectively, the root chakra reflects the color red, which has the longest wavelength, as red is the lowest color on the color spectrum.

The colors that come through our chakra system affect us deeply, emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. This spectrum of light throughout each chakra affects every living cell within our body. Because of this we can use color frequencies to rejuvenate our chakras and help us move toward wholeness.

The particular color of each chakra corresponds to the classic color spectrum:

7. Crown - Violet (white/gold)

6. Third eye (Brow) - Indigo

5. Throat - Blue

4. Heart - Green

3. Solar plexus - Yellow

2. Sacral - Orange

1. Root - Red

How Can I Unblock My Chakras?

Start by answering the following questions in your journal:

• Which of the seven colors is the easiest for you to imagine?

• Which is your favorite color? 

• How does that color make you feel?

• What color is your least favorite? 

• When surrounded by that color how does it make you feel?

As you explore these questions, allow your third eye (your sixth chakra) to activate and open. See if you can recall specific memories associated with your favorite and least favorite color. Write these memories down in your journal. 

Now, trusting your intuition, what does your attraction to specific colors and resistance to others tell you about your chakras? You may wonder if your interpretations are accurate, but remember to trust your first response and the awareness it brings to you, and you will energetically feel whether or not your insights are valid. No one knows your chakra system better than you, even if you are new to conscious awareness of your chakras.

Another great way to promote balance in a particular chakra is to create alignment in your physical body through:

• yoga postures

• breathing practices to encourage the flow of energy

• meditation to bring about clarity of mind

Each chakra has yoga poses that may help fine-tune its energy. Here are some poses that may help unblock each of your seven chakras:

7. Crown - Savasana, or Corpse Pose in order to connect you to your higher self, reminding you where you came from and where you’ll go.

6. Third eye (Brow) - Poses such as Forward Fold or Folded Eagle are great for manifesting a dream into a physical reality, so we can invite a new reality into your life by dreaming up different possibilities. 

5. Throat - Communication center: Plow and Fish Poses open up the back and front sides of your neck.

4. Heart - Heart openers such as Camel Pose or Wheel, to open us up to deeper connections with others, and integrate our lower chakras with our higher chakras. Or Cow Face Pose and Humble Warrior, which help open your chest, shoulders, and arms so you can more fully embrace others.

3. Solar plexus - Inner Fire: Boat or Triangle Pose for firing up your abs and strengthening your core.

2. Sacral - Reproduction, creativity and sensuality: Bridge Pose to strengthen your pelvic floor, or hip openers like Pigeon Pose or Lizard Pose.

1. Root - Your base and foundation: Tree Pose or balancing poses, like Mountain or Warrior, to establish a relationship with your body’s foundation.

If you are still not sure where to start, or just want to know more about your chakras and how they may affect you, consider working with a professional energy healer, such as a reiki practitioner, or a certified yoga instructor. Consider attending a Reiki Circle, as Reiki meditation helps you to declutter any physical, physical, emotional, or spiritual blocks, and will get the energy flowing. When the energies flow freely, it helps your body to create harmony within and it releases imbalances created by negative influences.

Fortunately, there are many things you can do to rebalance and stimulate the vibrational flow of your chakras. You can do the work with each chakra to bring your life back into harmonious and healthy flow. The result is that you will start to feel more confident, energized, and peaceful—at every moment and in any situation.

Making Friends With Negative Talk

One thing that mindful breathing has taught me is to become friends with all of my thoughts, especially the ones I don’t want to admit to having. The circular thoughts that won’t leave me alone and pester me like a broken record. The ones which cloud my internal clarity and keep me paralyzed, and stuck in the space of inaction. The ones that are so loud, they take over my life like the knob being broken off of the stereo.

There are even days where I can go looking consistently for confirmation of what I’m hearing within my thoughts—something to point to on the outside. This phenomenon is called energetic matching, or matching vibration. It is the foundational beliefs surrounding the law of attraction. 

According to this universal law, the universe which surrounds you is an energetic mirror (or frequency of vibration) of what you believe to be true about yourself and your current reality. What you send out to the universe will determine what you receive back. For example: if you think you are stuck, you will get more and more signs or proof that you are stuck. This universal law reaffirms your choices, reflecting back exactly what you’ve selected—whether you actually want that internal belief or not.

Ever heard the phrase, “Your thoughts become your reality”? It’s a phrase rooted in this law.

What Negative Self-Talk Can Look Like

The judge or inner-critic can sometimes become the loudest. It can bully all your other thoughts in order to prove your irrational fears or [incorrect] beliefs of what’s going on inside your head to be true. When you catch yourself in negative self-talk, it's a matter of recognizing the thought, reminding yourself that it is not true and affirming what you want to be true. Remember, that self-shame and guilt should steer clear during this exercise.

Negative self-talk can look different for everyone. It can appear when you look in the mirror, when you compare your accomplishments with another, or when you are dating. As humans, we are all individually prone to negative self-talk that may or may not be unique to us. 

You may view yourself as a victim. In this instance, you can remind yourself that your life is within your control. You are not stuck in unhappiness or your patterns no matter how it might feel. 

Maybe you feel rigid and unforgiving—stubborn even when it does not serve you. Your thoughts may reflect an inner pressure to be perfect and needless.

You may have thoughts surrounding not being good enough, that you have to do everything, or that you are not doing enough.

You can see, once you start paying attention, how your negative self-talk can take over easily. This is why it’s important to be self-aware and then allow yourself to soften.

What it Means to Focus on Your Breath 

Try these 3 practices to feel the benefits of mindfully working with the breath:

1) First, make friends with your breath. The body breathes without you having to do anything or be anywhere. You can use your breath as an object of attention to shift out of "fight-or-flight", giving yourself a break from anxious thoughts by choosing to focus on your inhales and exhales, and nothing else.

2) Now, get comfortable with the ups and downs. One of the greatest benefits of any meditation is that you can learn how to more easily “go with the flow.” By focusing on the constancy of your breath, you can get familiar with the unfolding of your emotions and reactions, and learn to “ride” them out instead of getting wrapped up in them. 

3) Finally, bring the breath with you. You don’t have to adopt a practice of hours of seated meditation in order to receive the benefits. Small increments of 2-3 minutes throughout your day can make a tremendous difference in the quality of your life.

When you find yourself in these spirals of negative self-talk, recognize them for what they are. Come back to your breath and let it all go. It’s important to forgive yourself for not doing things “right” as often as you think you should—and recognize that your thoughts do not define you.  Focusing on your breath is an invitation to come back to yourself and a chance to start over again.

I now can recognize that my negative thoughts are always about my past, and not only do I need to release the thoughts, but I also have to integrate the emotions surrounding those thoughts in order to fully release them. Even when I’m working throughout the day, I have begun to incorporate this practice of returning to my breath—eyes open, not meditating. As with anything, once practiced, it becomes a part of you and requires less effort to manage—like riding a bike or driving a car.

I feel like we’ve all been conditioned to think that free will over our thoughts is just an illusion. It’s true that this awareness and technique takes time, patience, and practice to unwind, unravel, and un-do. It takes work to wake-up from our thoughts and remember that they are a part of us, just like our breath. You are completely in control of your thoughts, (if you want to be).

How about you?

When was the last time you told yourself something loving, kind, or compassionate? How about telling yourself how capable you are, and how you always figure things out? How many of your thoughts are completely random? Any habitual thoughts? How many reactive thoughts do you have?

On average, you can assume you have around 15-20 thoughts per minute. When you exercise, meditate, or practice deep breathing youCo can usually pause our thoughts temporarily. For those few moments you are completely present within yourself. But in a greater sense, unless you are actively aware of your thoughts, they are bound to hijack your deeper understanding and awareness, and yes, even your sense of safety.

What is your relationship to your thoughts? Do you accept every thought as an absolute truth without room for inquiry? Do you allow your anxiety and fears to override any happiness or joy, convinced this is the way things have to be? Do you allow yourself the freedom to pull away from the constant chatter?

Turning Your Self-Talk Around

1. Replace Envy with Feeling Happy for Others

Envy can  look like resentment, jealousy, judgement, or even anger. After some reflection, ask yourself, “Why shouldn't I feel happy for others even if it's not a situation that is making me feel particularly happy?” As soon as you begin to feel envy towards another, instead of blaming yourself for feeling that way, immediately turn that envy into joy and gratitude for the person in question.

This practice (and it does take practice) is the perfect antidote for envy, resentment, judgement,  and other painful thoughts and emotions that can arise when you encounter a person who is enjoying something you’re not, or is thriving on an experience more than you are.

2. Cultivate Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is my “go-to” practice when I’m not feeling good… and negative self-talk definitely does not feel good. How do you practice self-compassion? Talk to yourself as gently and as kindly as you can. That’s all compassion is: being kind and caring.

Be sure to use a calm and gentle voice as you turn your negative self-talk around. And don’t worry if it feels fake at first. Just keep doing it. You are planting a seed. Gradually, your kind and caring self-talk will become genuine. And as it becomes genuine, your negative self-talk will fade, eventually losing its grip on you.

Anytime you need a quick pick-me-up, write down the five things people tend to compliment you on; this will serve as a reminder of your value. Or you can remind yourself of the aspects of your character that do generally make you feel proud and happy, regardless of whether or not anyone else has commented on them.

A lot of the most common forms of negative thinking revolve around unrealistically high standards. The next time you are feeling low, or doubting your own abilities because you are not perfect, remember that no one is. We are all a work in progress.

Living With Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Ever crossed paths with someone who displays narcissistic tendencies? These people tend to leave a lasting impression, maybe even a deficient bank account or a wake of broken relationships, but almost always coming with both an extreme depletion of energy and a sense of unrelenting confusion. Once you recognize that you have invited a narcissist into your experience, your life will never quite be the same.

What Are The Signs of Living With A Narcissist? 

When you live with someone with untreated narcissistic personality disorder, you are living with someone who is unstable. They cannot regulate their own emotions. They go up and down and they insist that you go up and down with them.

Something small can trigger them and suddenly they are enraged, and usually at you. If you do not immediately apologize and act as if the whole thing is your fault, their fragile ego will cause them to escalate the fight. You become the enemy. They will then double down on the idea that it is all your fault and try to punish you for it.

If this is a long term relationship, at best your life will be a series of waves that you will have to emotionally surf.

How Disappointment Ensues

No matter how much you try, no matter how good you are, you will periodically get devalued, mistreated, and threatened. Things will be going great one moment, then suddenly your narcissistic partner will get triggered and you are no longer surfing, you are underwater drowning.

The longer you live with a narcissist, the more you are likely to exhaust yourself trying to stay optimistic. After a while, your partner’s pattern will become extremely and sickeningly obvious. No matter how well things appear to be going, it can all change in a second and become truly heart or gut wrenching -- like walking into a room and being sucker-punched. 

It is quite disheartening because, other than leave, there is nothing you can do to make your home life stable and emotionally safe.

Who Do They Choose As Their Partners?

Narcissists are often in a relationship with codependent and boundary-less people -- those with incredible emotional empathy and a background of abuse. The narcissist's need for control over their partner stems from their own abusive or neglectful childhood where they did not have any control themselves.

So if you ever try to communicate your needs in the relationship by speaking up or being assertive, a narcissist will start with the silent treatment as if they are the victim, until you back down. They want to make all the decisions in the relationship while you observe and watch, using defensiveness, excuses, stonewalling, or gaslighting as a form of emotional abuse. This is all used to manipulate you. And because you come from a background of abuse, you tolerate and even normalize their behaviors towards you, and everyone else.

Having a relationship with a narcissist will also create a constant state of inner confusion and exhaustion. You are simultaneously drained of your energy while also questioning your self-worth. No matter what you do, it will never be enough; they will always find a way to criticize you one way or the other, until you give up and truly believe that you are not good enough, loveable or worthy. 

Defeated, you will feel like everything is your fault and often apologize for nothing. Being with a narcissist will also make you feel like the narcissist -- as they will accuse you of being irrational, difficult, crazy, or wrong, make you second guess or feel guilty for your choices. Narcissists lack emotional empathy; therefore, their constant taunting behaviour takes a significant toll on your mental health.

The Delusional Trap To Avoid

It is very common for both narcissists and their partners to both find themselves disappointed and rather shocked that everything is not going as expected in the relationship. The psychological term used to describe this phenomenon is called cognitive dissonance.

First of all, narcissists are so delusional and dishonest that they play themselves along with their partner. Whenever they meet a new romantic interest they think this time around it will all be different. This person will finally make them happy and lift their fragile self-esteem and ego, making them feel good about themselves all the time.

So the narcissist puts their best foot forward and says all the right things. They act sweet, attentive, and considerate. This isn’t necessarily fake. They truly feel that you are perfect for them and that they have a real chance at a long lasting relationship with you.

The problem is that they lack the skills needed to handle a real relationship. So as soon as the relationship tests them through any disagreements and misunderstandings that naturally transpire, they aren’t able to navigate their negative emotions maturely. If you are paying close attention, this is the time they start to reveal their true colors.

This is when they start to play games. Instead of communicating their feelings directly and authentically, they resort to manipulations in order to control, influence, exploit, provoke, and punish the person of interest. If they can’t play the source the way they want and the source sees right through their perverted pretenses and calls them out, they typically pull the plug and disappear in true coward fashion.

Narcissists are bored, weak and lazy. Yes initially they believe they got lucky to have found someone good looking, kind, and intelligent. However they lack the skills to keep up the facade for any extended periods of time.

What Are Some Narcissistic Traits To Look For?

• A sense of entitlement

• Takes you for granted

• A need to be in control

• A lack of emotional empathy

• Never apologizes

• Justified in their rage and blame

• Extreme self-centeredness

• Gives only with a goal

• Grandiosity

• Poor impulse control

• Requires constant affirmation and adoration

How Is Narcissism Created?

Narcissists are created in loveless homes, by loveless families, where the child is just an extension of the parent.

Often competing with their children, the narcissistic parent likes to also play favorites -- showing outrageous favor to one child while over-punishing the other. The idea is to constantly cause division amongst the children so they won’t gang up on the parent.

The child also never experiences love from this parent without conditions, and lives in a home where children are to blame for everything that is wrong. 

Disproportionate Punishment And Treatment

If we have a childhood where our parents love us despite our flaws, we are punished proportionally to our bad behavior, and it feels like our parents still respect, love us and want us to be safe, we will be able to put together that our mother who punishes us and the one who is nice to us are the same person. As we grow up and mature, we also learn to integrate the good and bad parts in ourselves into one stable, realistic person.

However, if our parents aren’t able to see us realistically, and instead treat us as all good or all bad, we will not have the ability to learn how to see good and bad within a whole person. It's called whole object relations.

If you don't have it, you see other people as either all good, or all bad. And you will see yourself as all good or all bad. 

All-Good = They see the person as perfect, special, flawless, high status, idealizable, and entitled to special treatment.

All-Bad = They see the person as defective, inadequate, worthless garbage, low status, fair game for devaluation and abuse, and entitled to nothing.

And, if you do not have whole object relations, you will not have object constancy either because object constancy depends on being able to see both sides of a person at once.

Object constancy is the ability to maintain the big picture of your whole relationship, especially the good parts and good feelings towards someone, when you are angry, hurt, frustrated, or physically distant from the person. 

For instance, during a fight, once someone with narcissistic personality disorder gets angry with you, they will immediately see you as all-bad and “forget” their past positive feelings for you—or explain them away as mistakes in an attempt to resolve the discrepancy between their current feelings towards you and any past positive feelings.

You are a terrible person and so mean to me. If I ever said otherwise, it was because I was taken in by how ‘nice’ you were acting at the time.

Narcissists can say something as nonsensical as the above because they do not realize that they have not yet developed the capacity to form an integrated view of people—something that most other people learn by the age of 6. Therefore, they have to rationalize away the inconsistency between their current view of you and their past view because they can only alternate between seeing you as either all-good or all-bad.

Fast Forward to Adulthood

At the start of a new relationship, narcissists may see their new person as flawless. Then, as they see the person act in ways that do not perfectly fit the picture of their ideal life, or start to notice the person’s normal human flaws, they may try and deal with their disillusionment in some of the following ways:

• Accusations—Instead of realizing that they were expecting too much and adjusting their expectations to fit the reality, they accuse the other person of deceiving them or having bad intentions. “I thought you were so nice, but now I see you fooled me and were acting the whole time.”

• Controlling Behavior—They try to force their partner to change to be more in line with their initial beliefs about what they were like. “You would look hotter if you wore this outfit instead.”

• Threats—When their partner does not go along with their requests or holds different ideas, they may try and bully them into compliance. “You will be very, very sorry if you keep up that behavior.”

• Devaluation—They try to motivate their partner to change by trying to convince them that whatever they are doing or thinking is wrong, stupid, ignorant, and worthless. “Nobody with any intelligence would ever say what you just said.”

• Punishments—They feel entitled to punish their partner for not complying with their wishes. “I am not taking you out for dinner as planned because you are making me so angry.”

What Is Really Going On?

In many ways, narcissists are emotionally and cognitively stuck at a childlike state of development. They still see themselves as the center of the world, cannot conceive that other people can have a valid point of view that differs from their own, and do not understand that it is unreasonable to expect other people to empathically intuit all their needs. They may have a high IQ and be brilliant at their job, but in many ways their view of people and relationships is not equal.

When narcissists are emotionally triggered, they only focus on how they feel in the moment. People with narcissistic personality disorder are usually focused on their current thoughts and feelings, not how they felt twenty minutes ago or how they might feel in the future. Once something triggers a strong negative or positive response, that reaction takes center stage. Narcissists then act as if their current emotional state and way of thinking is all there is and will last forever.

Thus, if you are dating someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, when your lover feels great about you, he or she may start making plans for the future with you—even though the two of you hardly know each other. “Let’s go to Rome together. I can’t wait to show you my favorite restaurant.” Then something you do triggers a negative reaction and suddenly those plans are history, leaving you in a state of confusion.

What Did I Do Wrong? 

Most of us believe that when someone loves us they will do or feel some of the following:

• They will try to avoid hurting us.

• They will care about our feelings.

• They will empathize with us.

• When we feel unhappy, they will try to soothe us or cheer us up.

• They will not lie to us.

• They will take our side in an argument with other people.

• They will not devalue us to other people behind our backs.

• They will try and keep their promises to us.

• They will be sexually and emotionally faithful to us if we agree to be in a monogamous relationship.

After the courtship period is over, if you are in love with someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and believe that they love you (whether you know their actual diagnosis or not), you are likely to find that the person’s actual behavior violates your belief system. This puts you in the position of having cognitive dissonance.

So, what do you do now?

At that point, most partners of narcissists use one or more of the following psychological defenses to try and diminish their cognitive dissonance without having to leave the relationship. This is not meant to be an exhaustive list, just some of the more common ways people deal with this type of contradictory information:

• Denial—They refuse to believe the new information. “He would never cheat on me. He loves me.”

• Rationalization—They make excuses that minimize the importance of the behavior. “She was drunk when she called me those vile names. That is not likely to ever happen again.”

• Blaming Oneself—Preserving the other person’s basic goodness by taking the blame for their bad behavior. “It was really my fault. I provoked him.”

• Normalization—They comfort themselves with the idea that the behavior or attitude is normal. “Everyone loses their temper occasionally.”

How Can You Walk Away From Narcissists For Good?

What many people don't realize is that the people we engage with will always mirror who we are on the inside. They reflect our insecurities, self-doubts, tendencies to over give, and feelings of unworthiness. However, once you learn the (sometimes very loud) lessons these types of relationships provide, you can heal to a depth you may not have known existed.

• Identify if you are in a toxic relationship and seek support to show you how to navigate, or potentially end it.

• Release ties and energetic cords to free yourself from toxic relationships, as well as any and all karmic ties, contracts or agreements.

• Stop living for the expectations of others and recalibrate to your own needs.

• Heal to the core and permanently release patterns that do not serve you.

• Embrace empowerment and self-confidence.

• Learn to trust yourself and your guidance system to be your own most reliable and consistent ally.

Now, show them that everything they thought they knew about you was a miscalculation.They thought you would never put your foot down and say no to them? Refuse something really important that they are asking for, and do not budge.

They thought you would always place more importance on their well-being than on your own? Show them that if they are headed in the direction of their own demise, you will help walk them to their next stop.

They thought you would never have the ability to leave them and make it on your own? Show them that life goes on without their help and create a life without them.

How To Get Unstuck Emotionally And Mentally

This period of time in history is full of challenges for all of humanity. The landscape of the world as we know it has been turned on its head sideways, and as we begin to peer out from this altered perspective, we immediately see with visual acuity all that we need to change about ourselves, and about our environment. 

So please be careful with one another. Be careful with yourself. There are extreme energy changes pulsing through the universe at every level and, of course, we are all part of the process and the collective growing pains. Remind yourself regularly—you are not being singled out and you are definitely not alone in all of this. Each of us holds a grain of sand in our very capable hands to once again rebuild Fantastica.

Explore Your Purpose

Old paradigms have shifted and shattered. Our Ivory Tower may have fallen. We sit quietly in the stillness just before the sunrise, like the phoenix listening to the wind blow. Laying in the smoldering ashes, crumble and rubble, just before taking flight again lighting up the dark, early morning sky. We remind ourselves that all is not for naught.

Due to our current and very intense surroundings, it can be incredibly challenging to maintain a positive attitude and a measure of faith, especially when we are in the midst of such difficulties. In our evolution, we tend to think that if the universe loves us we will experience that love in the form of continuous positive circumstances. One, right after the other. When in actuality, we continue to evolve into higher states of awareness of our true capacity and potential.

Like a child, the universe is gentle and lovingly coercing us to choose more for ourselves while we are here, reminding us of our soul contracts with others, and to be better versions of ourselves always. The universe is our wise mother who knows what our soul needs in order to thrive, better than we could possibly imagine for ourselves in this lifetime. The universe knows why we came, and assists us to remember too.

Just as a young child does not benefit from getting everything she wants immediately, we also benefit from times of constriction and difficulty to help us grow and learn. If we keep this in mind, and continue to trust that we are loved and guided even when things are hard, it helps us bear the difficult time with grace.

If we continue to meditate and keep our connection with our angels, ancestors, and galactic guides of light, you’ll know they are directing and guiding us every step of the way. To receive their guidance, direction or information, we need to check in and ask for what we need. Through our meditation, we continue to keep our connection without getting lost in the struggle of this third dimensional reality.

Let Go Of The Past

It also helps if we remember that life is one phase after another and that these difficult times will inevitably give way to something new and different. When we feel overwhelmed we can comfort ourselves with the wise saying: This too shall pass. 

At the same time, if you truly feel that nothing is going right for you, it's never a bad idea to examine your life and see if there are some immediate changes you can make to alleviate some of the difficulty that stands in your way every day. How could things become simpler? What are you still gripping onto that needs to fall away? How could you relieve your frustrations and help alleviate your pains? What are you resisting, and willing to give up for such freedom?

It's important to take stock of what is going on and find out if there is something we are doing or not doing that is keeping us stuck. Sometimes the situation is out of our control, and we need to look within to find the patience required to wait with equanimity until things move forward again. Many times, though, we can find the source of our stagnation in our own hearts and minds. Sometimes we are clinging to old ideas about reality and we need to make adjustments that will bring us back in tune with life, so we can flow again. Sometimes we find that fear of change is what's keeping us stuck, and we can resolve to find ways of facing that fear. 

Gently and compassionately explore the areas which give you the most trouble. May this intentionality reveal things that you have been holding onto and need to release, such as: unprocessed emotions, unresolved transitions, or negative ways of looking at yourself or your reality. 

If introspection does not provide the answers you need, it can sometimes be helpful to ask those around you if they notice anything obvious that you might not be able to see. Remember to ask someone whom you can trust to be kind and sensitive as well as honest. Try to let go of your resistance because whenever there is something we can't see ourselves, it's because we don't want to see it. Try to listen with an open mind, and remember that you are always the final judge of what you need. Anything offered to us from an outside source will need to be processed and integrated before its wisdom can take hold. 

As you begin to take responsibility for the things you can change, and choose differently, you begin to create a paradigm shift in your life. Open your hands and your heart and begin asking and reaching for the things you really want. You will more easily surrender to things you cannot change, remembering all the while that this phase will, without doubt, give way to another transition of time. Keep in perspective that you may be at the bottom of the ferris wheel right now, but you will eventually roll up to the top, with that gorgeous and amazing view you’ve been working so hard towards, spilled out before you. Don’t give up until you do.

Change Your Perspective

In order to move forward and make progress towards your most abundant life, you have to get out of your own way and allow yourself to let it happen. 

The first step in allowing yourself to thrive is releasing yourself from the feeling of being stuck. When you feel stuck, you hurt your chances of succeeding by mentally stopping yourself from taking the steps towards progress. 

And since the feeling of stuckness is so ingrained in your thinking, you may not even know that you are your own reason for not making progress. This causes resentment towards other parts of your life, and growing resentment towards yourself and the thing you’re trying to achieve. 

Start With Small Changes

It shouldn’t be a surprise to you that this is a common problem with most people. When we feel stuck, it can be helpful to let go of our resistance to the change that wants to come forth. You may be committing self-sabotage, fear-led decisions, and taking actions to simply survive and not thrive without even knowing it. 

In all this, be kind to yourself and remember that we all get stuck sometimes. Think of it as a part of your process, a necessary step on your journey, rather than as a problem that shouldn't be happening. This can help to keep your frustration at bay and give you the space you need to take a deep breath and really figure out what's going on. 

So many of the people I see in my practice get "stuck" at some point...stuck in a pattern, a habit, a coping mechanism that isn't helping them, in a routine, in an unhappy relationship, in a place, in a job they dislike, in a way of thinking, etc. In fact, everyone gets "stuck" in something at some point in life. It can be during a transitional phase or during a time when we are feeling emotionally low or more isolated than usual. It is digging out of the hole we created for ourselves and getting "unstuck" that is the challenge for people when this occurs. Why can it be so difficult to make new, positive changes stick when we are in a rut?

Effective Change Takes Time

One conflict is time. It takes time to allow for or to create change. In order to have the discipline, patience, and focus, as we start on a path towards positive change, it takes more time than we might be used to in this age of immediate gratification and lightning fast technology. We have to learn to slow down a bit and make the time we need to in a realistic way for the necessary changes to happen in our lives. We must not be discouraged if our progress is steady, but at more of a snail's pace than we'd hoped.

Stop Perpetuating The Blame

Another issue I frequently observe is that many people don't feel truly worthy of positive and healthy changes in their lives. They hold grudges against and judge themselves, thinking that they must continue to struggle and suffer as a sort of "penance" for the prior mistakes they have made in their lives, as if they are not deserving of happiness. The reality is everyone deserves to be healthy and happy. Everyone is worthy of self-love and love from others. We must learn to accept ourselves, flaws and all, to stop judging ourselves and running negative "tapes" in our heads, and to forgive ourselves when we make mistakes. This is the truest way to be healthier, happier, and more fulfilled in our lives permanently.

Take Breaks When Necessary

Another thing that seems to sabotage a lot of people's progress is that they set their goals way too high all at once in the beginning and/or lose patience at the amount of progress they are making slowly over time with such aggressive goals. When, in reality, we have to understand that making small steps in progress toward our overall goal a little bit at a time. It is also important to be "real" with ourselves and set goals we know we will be committed to and will be able to attain, even if it means asking for additional help and support, or taking more time if we need it. We can't expect everything to go our way or to happen overnight. So, hoping for the best, while simultaneously being prepared for challenges that we may need to face, and also being patient and gentle with ourselves, is a great way to approach any type of change.

Be Patient With Your Progress

Some people are ashamed when they don't make the immediate progress that they hoped to achieve, and so they begin to lie or gloss over the truth, with themselves or others, which means they reach a dangerous place of living in denial. This form of escape can actually set you back further away from your intended goals, create more problems that you will need to deal with later anyway, and cause new, unhealthy habits you didn't ever expect to occur. Honesty with yourself and others is the best policy when approaching change. It may be difficult to be honest at first, as the truth can hurt or be scary. But, in the long run, honesty makes everything so much easier and simpler, especially when you are also willing to take responsibility for and own the negative or unhealthy thoughts and behaviors you created in your life.

Dig Emotionally Deep

Stop playing the role of victim and look at what you have done to create and live in your own situation. Sure, other people may also be accountable on some level. But, if you have chosen to continue to hide from or escape the truth of what part you have played in your current situation, you have hurt yourself and may even be enabling the negative/unhealthy habits of those around you.

Focus On Your Own Changes

Remember, you unfortunately can't change anyone else or force someone to change out of unhealthy thought patterns or behaviors against his or her will. Just like you, everyone else only makes healthy changes when fully ready to do so. We can't nag or control/manipulate anyone else into thinking or processing the way that we do or into treating himself/herself better. Just because you are making these transformations for the better in your own life, don't expect everyone else to do so. It is a bonus if your efforts and progress inspire someone else. But, we can't force change on anyone. So, we must accept and love others as they are, respecting their choices, while simultaneously honoring ourselves and our own needs.

You may want to ask yourself some important questions both before you begin to make healthy changes in your life. Here are a few to get you thinking and working things out mentally and emotionally before you take action:

• Why do I want to change? Am I doing this for myself, others or both?

• What might be the long term benefits of these changes? How about the short term benefits?

• Will this make my life healthier and happier?

• Who can I turn to when I need support while I am making these changes?

• If I get scared/uncomfortable or if old feelings/habits sneak up when positive changes start to happen in my life, what will I use as a strategy to cope with these feelings/actions in a healthier way than I used to? (In other words, come up with a healthy habit here to replace an old, unhealthy habit.)

• What strengths do I already have that I can rely on while I am making these changes? What are the things I already like or love about myself?

• If I start to feel unworthy or judgemental of myself during this process, what can I do or tell myself to help stop it before it sabotages my progress towards happiness?

• Do I have any role models/mentors that I can aspire to and learn from who have made these types of changes in their own lives? What can those people teach me?

• What is a reasonable and realistic time frame for me to reach my first small goal in these changes? 

• How can I reward myself (not with food or alcohol/drugs/tobacco, etc....but with something healthy that encourages the good habit to continue) when I reach my first small goal?

• How much time can I realistically spend on these changes every day?

• What are some of the things, like thought patterns, behaviors, people, situations, etc., that I need to let go of in order to help these positive changes happen?

Change usually takes time. Just to change and replace one unhealthy habit into a new, healthy habit, can take over a month of effort of repetition before it sticks with you. Don't get discouraged...and if you do, make sure you created a back-up plan for yourself, so you don't slide back into those old habits and patterns on a bad day.

The more positive support and encouragement you have with yourself through this process, the more successful you will become. It can also help to speak with a trusted friend, therapist or healer, or even find a support group to help you through the transition and fear that often accompanies big change. A support system can help you to succeed and reach your goals, even when there are bumps in the road along the way.

Being emotionally unstuck comes down to taking action and holding yourself more responsible for what you do. Take all the time you need to get unstuck. This is all part of your journey for more soul expansion, growth and freedom.

Breaking Unhealthy Addictions

Typically, when we hear about addictions, it has to do with being addicted to harmful substances or damaging behaviors like cigarettes, cocaine, heroine, sex, or gambling.  Of course, there's a good reason for this, as these tend to be some of the most addictive experiences out there. However, if we are really honest, addiction itself is incredibly destructive no matter what you are addicted to. And if we look closer at addiction, you’ll notice it’s all around us. 

What are we addicted to?

It’s simple. Anything we continue to use, despite adverse consequences:

• Continued scrolling through our social feed

• Continued procrastination and putting off our lives

• Continued excessive drinking and driving

• Continued obsessive thinking and criticism about our past mistakes

• Continued denying ourselves of basic needs or not spending money on legitimate needs

• Continued vomiting of food, or using diuretics, exercise, etc. to avoid weight gain

I could continue, but I am also sure you are able to come up with a list of your own. We do all these things, despite adverse consequences.

For myself, thinking about these behaviors as “addictions" can be a powerful framing. I know from my own experience, addiction took years of being faced with negative consequences repeatedly before I realized I needed to change. After all, it is much easier to normalize my existing behavior. 

If you’re being beaten with consequence after consequence, by this point they have probably become so loud, and perhaps feel as if they’re coming at you in every direction, they become difficult to ignore. Your ignorance and constant silencing of your inner child’s needs and wants are now causing you significant problems and catastrophic consequences. 

How To Break An Unhealthy Addiction

First, you have to make a decision to change. After all, I can drop you off at rehab, but if you are completely rigid in your belief system and committed to your wounding patterns, you will most likely carry resistance to the idea that anything can actually change in your life. You might spend a long time telling me why it can’t or won’t happen, or how you “can’t do that” or “you don’t know how.” In addition, all of the rigidity which resides in your body—the stubbornly held beliefs that show up as the TMJ, the hives, rashes, and digestive issues from your buried unresolved rage and resentment—all of these consistently reinforced patterns will stand directly in the way of your belief in your capabilities, therefore blocking any ability to heal yourself. 

One way I like to help my clients move past their resistance and open to possibilities is with an Intuitive Healing Session. Together we can cancel, un-create and delete any disempowering beliefs, and then download empowering beliefs from the creator of all that is, in their place. We also have the opportunity to run your energy with the help of Reiki, as well as incorporate an energetic cord-cutting, increasing the speed in which the energy flows throughout all of your chakras, allowing you to feel lighter and brighter.

When we bring your karma, contracts, and agreements into present time, we free you from any past life experiences connected to your unhealthy addictions. Through all of these energetic and psychic practices, you’ll notice that your resistance and the intensity of suppressed emotions will feel different immediately. You may feel more present awareness, instead of dragging your past around with you. Your focus, attention to, and sensitivity around receiving pleasure will be increased and heightened in a way you previously thought was unattainable.

What Does An Energetic Healing Do For Addiction?

An energetic healing instantly opens you up to the wisdom of your higher self, allowing you to trust in what you receive through your crown chakra (located at the top of your head, which symbolizes your connection to source, God, universe). If that energy continues flowing smooth and freely, it then allows you to see and believe in the wisdom of what you are creating (third eye chakra). If your throat chakra stays open, you receive discernment through active listening. In addition, you begin to share your truth—releasing the message you hear and your own inner guidance out into the world around you. You are “speaking things into existence.”

When a higher frequency of energy passes down through your energetic pathways, you have the opportunity to release any sadness, grief, despair, guilt, shame, anger or betrayal through your energetic and emotional bodies. When energy continues to flow freely through your heart chakra, this allows your love, compassion, and empathy to energetically pass through you into full expansion, just like your breath. In addition, the heart chakra is the gatekeeper and necessary to the lower three chakras.

From here, your imagination and creative ideas move into the integrity of your actions and self-belief (solar plexus chakra), finally moving down and into your passions and self-determination (sacral chakra) and becoming grounded through your root chakra (located at the base of the spine). This is how our ideas are born and delivered out into the world. 

Through energetically releasing what no longer is serving us through an energetic healing, we shift our vibrational frequency, and become fully embodied, centered, and engaged in our aligned path -- in right integrity with our inner truth. When your chakras are clear and in alignment, your life can feel so much clearer and in alignment as well. Everything in life just gets easier.

How Else Can I Ensure My Success?

Prepare yourself and others to make the change you’ve committed to. Set boundaries around what you plan to share or not share. If you are letting go of an addiction which incurs heavy symptoms of withdrawal, call on a relationship with those who also want to see you become a success. Find someone(s) who can cheer you on when you can’t find the strength to. Surrender your guilt around needing someone else’s help. Don’t worry, you can always return the favor.

Have a plan for coping with any withdrawal symptoms, or soothing your judgement around not being perfect or not enough when you slip up. Getting mad at yourself at all indicates that you need to step in and rescue yourself from your learned ability to be unkind to yourself. In these moments, create confidence by asking yourself, “Am I empowered at this moment, or disempowered?” This offers access to your experience in a more somatic (feeling) approach, and encourages an answer to come up from somewhere other than the thinking part of you (which is where we usually get mentally and emotionally stuck).

When we send our bodies the message that we are not good enough, we create additional shame and guilt that will need to be addressed later. We also energetically drain ourselves, which is a waste of precious energy that we could use in positive and beneficial ways that would increase our enjoyment in other areas of our life. 

In addition, continue to encourage your awareness around any replacement addictive behaviors and cultivate self-love around any comparison, impatience, or despair. As our awareness increases, our innate impulse toward health and well-being will be activated, moving us out of danger and into a more positive and more natural, compassionate and loving relationship with ourselves.

Learn how to be your own best friend. Take the time to ask yourself, “What advice would I give my best friend right now?” and take the advice. Ultimately, how can you better love yourself in that moment and make a healthier, more loving choice for you moving forward?

Continue to look honestly and deeply at all of your behaviors. Look where the complacent person in you might justify your behavior and say, “Yeah, I know I shouldn’t be doing that, but it’s not that big of a deal... it doesn’t have a major negative impact on my life, so I can just let it slide. I just want things to be easy.”

Realize that as you change, you may have major changes in relationships and friendships. Unfortunately, the people around us don’t always appreciate when we change, as it puts pressure on them to change their behaviors and how they are showing up to your relationship, as well. Be prepared for any resistance others have to you being what they need you to be.

An Invitation To Sobriety

The point here is, don’t feel bad about yourself and slip into an addiction of self-criticism. Let your awareness be an invitation to your sobriety. As someone who has gone from becoming an alcoholic, to becoming sober, I can say that life is about 1,000 times better when I approach it with a clear mind, reliably centered, and not under the influence. When I am able to approach my life from a place of energetic neutrality, I am more successful at knowing how to be emotionally contained. And for every other untraditional addiction I've let go of, like passive-aggressiveness, the movement into "sobriety" has significantly improved my life. This can be your experience as well.

What are your addictions? Are you open to looking at those (with self-compassion)?  What might life be like if you went "sober"? If you really want and are ready for change, I have confidence you will make it happen. I know, through my own experience, that anything in life can be overcome.

Attachment Styles: How Are They Affecting Your Relationships

I used to live in fear that my husband was going to leave me every time there was an argument between us. There were times I would lay awake at night, obsessively thinking about how much he did not wish to be as close as I would like for him to be to me. 

Highly attuned to any fluctuations in his moods, I took most of his actions personally, experiencing a lot of negative emotions within our relationship. I was regularly getting upset: experiencing headaches, stomach aches, panic attacks, and non-stop crying. 

There were other things that contributed to my constantly being on high alert, in particular, my having been a trauma survivor with PTSD. Throughout most of my life, my thoughts centered around all of my significant relationships. 

Wanting to resolve the conflict within these relationships consumed a large part of my time, as well as emotional energy. I was exhausted, my adrenals were drained, and the worst part was, I didn’t really have the tools to know how to make it stop.

A few years later, I stumbled upon and finally read the highly recommended book Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - and Keep - Love by Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller. I sat up all night, tears streaming down my cheeks in release, devastated, why had it taken me so long to discover this information? 

I am considered an anxious attachment style. Now it all finally made sense.

Consuming each page carefully and absorbing every word, I could clearly see my energy investment and contribution to every relationship I had in my life. Now I felt compelled to take action and responsibility for what I would like to do differently going forward.

Learning Your Attachment Style

First on the list was learning how to tap into the mindset of creating a secure base for myself, my relationship with my daughter, and my husband.

If you haven’t heard of attachment theory, the theory of attachment styles comes from the work psychoanalyst John Bowlby and psychologist Mary Ainsworth performed with infants (usually 9 to 18 months old) and their mothers, during the 1960s and 70s.

The classification comes from how an infant reacted to a strange situation test (the reaction to the reunion with a parent after a stressful separation). Bowlby and Ainsworth were able to clearly identify three different styles: anxious, avoidant and secure.

Since that time, attachment theory has become a useful system for re-thinking complex relationship dynamics and reexamining early childhood traumas. 

Knowing your attachment style improves your ability to communicate with your family members, and if you are coupled, improves your relationship with your primary partner. If you are single, understanding your style can help you choose the most supportive and vibrationally aligned life partner, partnerships, or friendships for you.

Once you’ve determined your attachment style through an online quiz, you are empowered to learn techniques and principles to resolve personal conflict and effectively communicate when you are in an emotionally triggered state. 

The Power of Understanding

Growing up with a secure attachment style isn’t so much about the absence of trauma, but about having a childhood where your needs are met and emotions validated by your primary caregiver. In adulthood, a secure attachment style in a partner relationship means someone who is “attuned to their partner’s emotional and physical cues and know[s] how to respond to them,” as Levine and Heller write in Attached. Non-crisis levels of tension in a relationship don’t make the securely attached person totally shut down or react with an activated or outsized fight or flight response.

If you can see yourself clearly and are able to stay grounded and talk through difficult things in an open manner without getting emotionally flooded or shut down, you have a secure attachment style. Someone with secure attachment is more likely to look at situations more objectively, without overindulging in self-blame, while still being able to take ownership of mistakes.

50% of the population are considered secure attachment styles, and the rest happen to fall within an anxious or avoidant attachment style. If the latter is true for you, your goal is to find more ways of providing inner security and interdependency by learning how to soothe your own inner child. Or partnering with a secure partner which enables you to become more secure over time. 

Providing security for oneself requires you to stay present and make yourself available for any and all emotions you are feeling, to learn ways to manage and emotionally regulate your reactions in real time, and continually practice ways of encouraging yourself when you are in a reactive state. Some of the ways might include guided meditation, positive mindset through affirmations or mantras, mindfulness and breathing techniques, or simply a focus on journaling gratitude.

Of course, this is a long, slow process. Unlearning maladaptive attachment styles has to start with compassion for yourself, as these habits were formed to protect yourself as a child. They likely kept you safe, alert to untrustworthy bonds, and served you well. But in adulthood, you don’t need to use these behaviors any longer; it’s time to thank them for looking out for your emotional safety and ask them to take a rest.

For me, feeling security is about knowing that things that make me anxious are safe to bring up in a relationship without the fear of negative reactions to my vulnerability. I also practice doing the same thing for others. It does not mean that I won’t experience conflict or difficulty working through things, but it does mean that conflict produces greater levels of intimacy, security, and growth with those around me, rather than a contact high of codependent enmeshment or a total shutdown of intimacy between us.

Am I Psychic

It is clear to me that there is a lot of confusion around the word “psychic.” 

As a Psychic Cheerleader, I am regularly asked if I am a psychic medium, or if I am able to foretell your future.

To which I respond, a medium is psychic, but not every psychic is a medium. Let me explain.

Psychics are simply individuals who are able to hear, see, smell, taste, feel, sense, or have intuition beyond the boundaries of the physical world. Just like you have 5 senses — you also have clair senses or extrasensory abilities that correspond to them. When you tap into these senses, the messages you receive can be used to make life choices that are in your best interest.

Because extrasensory gifts vary greatly in intensity and application, it’s best to imagine psychic skills on a spectrum. We all have intuition or a psychic nature — whether you refer to it as a gut reaction, instinct, or foresight. The question is whether or not you are listening to the signs, and whether or not you learned how to trust the information you are receiving.

As I’ve come to work with more and more women, I continue to share and educate others on my own psychic experiences in order to help clear any resistance around what being psychic “should” be, or how it continues to show up for each person. What is important is that we enhance and affirm how you receive information, in a way that makes the most sense for you. Everyone has a dominant clair sense. Mine happens to be clairsentience, the ability to clearly feel.

Almost everyone I’ve worked with has some sort of resistance or trauma and is afraid to receive the information or “do something wrong,” so we work together on releasing those particular beliefs out of your emotional and energetic bodies as they begin to reveal themselves. This allows you to ​enhance and develop your intuitive skills at a pace that is right and comfortable for you, continually empowering you to receive incredible clarity, internal guidance, and direction in your life through learning how to keep these energetic channels clear.

So Where Does Our Lack of Belief Come From?

We develop our psychic abilities during childhood. These gifts are passed down through close individuals who teach us to notice more — basic survival instincts that enable us to move safely throughout the world. 

However, if I grew up without relatives or grandparents who were practicing shamans, and if I wasn’t shown to hold a deep reverence and spiritual connection to pacha mama, I would have to attend shamanism school as an adult to reaffirm my connection in this way. I would need to rebuild my trust in the powerful insights and wisdom available to me by relearning how to journey with my spirit guides. 

And if my “crazy” Aunt Carolyn doesn’t happen to be a practicing psychic, and my entire family doesn’t believe her premonitions, and makes fun of the “weird” things she says during holiday dinners, I learn to let go of all my intuitive abilities and psychic gifts, shunning any gifts I may be aware I have, and disconnecting from them completely in order to fit in with my family. 

I learn to stop believing in my own innate power and discovering my own immense worth.

Remembering Our Innate Power and Gifts

Until we have an awakening experience and truly seek out the ability to enhance and develop our own intuitive abilities, so we can listen to and embody our own inner truth and wisdom, our relationship to our psychic gifts are based upon a combination of our family’s belief systems and any thought patterns we’ve absorbed while growing up. 

We’ve also consistently received false and conflicting information.

We’ve been warned all our lives about psychics being a scam. And we’ve also experienced the Hollywood version of psychics and wizards, complete with a velvet table cloth, crystal ball, a fog machine, and vague information or obvious answers which help to confirm our disbelief. 

As children we are told to stop being so sensitive, that ghosts aren’t real, and that pain is always physical. Through this conditioning, we start to believe that emotions and intuition aren’t as valid as science and reason. We begin to need proof. 

So we continue to suppress our gifts, sneer at clairvoyants (the clair sense of clearly seeing), and accept the physical realm as the full extent of our reality. 

Learning how to tap into your own intuitive abilities requires that you release yourself from being deceived, and from all of the times in your life that you have ever been deceived. That deception is what lies between you and your belief around whether or not psychics are real — and if you can become one too.

While there are some people who call themselves psychics and can take advantage of and prey upon your deepest fears and vulnerabilities, this does not mean that working with a psychic will always lead to exploitation and your being gullible or tricked. 

So while you are reading this, let’s un-create each of the beliefs that we’ve covered above, delete, and destroy each of them across all time, dimension, space and reality for you. Take a deep breath, exhale, and allow it all to go. 

Now how does that feel?

Were You Told Your Imaginary Friend Was Not Real? 

I don’t know about you, but I experienced a kindergarten class where I was handed a peach crayon for drawing the skin color of my family. If I had chosen green because I saw what was considered an alien walking around with me all day, as part of my “family” it would have raised an eyebrow from my teacher or a pointing finger from the student sitting next to me. I know my mom would not have believed me, and told me to “stop daydreaming” like she regularly did.

So any early supernatural events I experienced were regularly dismissed and discredited, and I grew up thinking being psychic was similar to learning magic (tricking someone) or describing a make-believe fairytale such as Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. I was also the baby of the family and was regularly told I was wrong, or “not born yet” enough times to doubt any magic abilities or my capabilities to change my current set of circumstances in any meaningful way. And being hyper aware, I desperately wanted to fit into a world that made absolutely no sense to me, so I silenced myself and my intuitive abilities in defense.

I also experienced a religious upbringing, which brings about its own set of passed down beliefs. For many of my early childhood years, I received the message loud and clear that I was not powerful. In addition, I was taught that my power was outside of myself and lived in something I could not possibly comprehend or understand. I came to accept through my religious experience that I had no control over my life and to put my trust in god’s hands. So I prayed every night for over a decade, and after not receiving what I was asking for, I decided god hated me and in response became an atheist. 

And let me tell you, adopting the powerful limiting beliefs that atheism requires led me through a path of death and destruction in my life for many years. I became angry, justified, lost, fearful, anxious and completely off my spiritual path by shunning my spiritual connection, gifts and awareness. My reality quickly and inevitably reflected all of my beliefs about myself and the world.

So in order to eventually pierce through my “dark night of the soul”, I had to first completely walk away from a life of disbelief. Then through incredible instruction and guidance from those around me, I was led through identifying, then clearing the beliefs I held surrounding my wanting to be here on earth at this time (instead of somewhere other than here) so I could fully love, believe, accept, and begin to manifest my life here in an abundant way in this 3rd dimensional reality and lifetime. 

And that is when everything changed. I suddenly and vividly remembered again why I’m here - just like I did in childhood. There had been a bunch of stuff that happened from late childhood into adulthood that got in front of me remembering my gifts anymore, and more than likely, the same thing has happened for you.

Tapping Into Your Psychic Abilities

Right after a physical, mental, emotional and spiritual crisis in my late 30’s which cracked me wide open, I began training as a Reiki student in order to integrate, process and heal from the inner child work I was doing with a trauma-informed psychologist. At the time, I remember feeling like my Reiki Master teacher or my Shamanism Leader were in a special group and I could never be as spiritually powerful or masterful as they had become. They both had unshakable self-belief in their intuitive awareness.

If I’m honest, I felt shame for not having a deeper understanding or a connection to how to use my gifts, or learning them earlier. I wished I had been born into a family who had encouraged my intuitive abilities. This emotional attachment was something I had to work on to release, eventually coming to a place of acceptance of what “should have” happened, and instead embrace the reality that I am already all-knowing, and I have the rest of my life to become the best version of me in this lifetime.

You are also all-knowing; however some, if not all, of your psychic abilities might lie dormant inside of you, which does not mean that it won’t be a journey to even deeper awareness. Our experiences and soul lessons may be different, and I may have started practicing my intuitive gifts before you, but that does not mean you aren’t as powerful or psychic as I am. I’m here to remind you of how gifted you truly are, and together, we are able to create some incredible and powerful shifts in your life.

I remember having a conversation with a Reiki Master higher up in my Reiki lineage. I told her how gifted she was with a meditation she led me through, and that I hoped to be as good as she was some day. Jennette politely laughed and said, “Everything is unfolding perfectly. You are perfect just as you are.” 

Her response of unconditional love, non-judgment, and non attachment left such an impression on me that I had “Everything is unfolding perfectly” written in all kinds of places to remind me for several months, so I could regularly take it in.

A few years later, at the beginning of clairvoyant training, I again found the director of my school all-knowing, and was thirsty to answer my deeper questions about developing specific abilities — to only know what she knew— then I would become a master. Halfway through her program, I recognized that my perfectionism and wanting to “get things right” was creating resistance around deepening my own spiritual connection and receiving the answers I was looking to her to answer. 

That moment of awareness was extremely powerful for me - simple, but incredible. I still remember which class I finally felt able to and knew how to release what stood between me, and being about to clearly see (clairvoyance), and when my ability to see my spirit guides or trust the information I was shown became even more pronounced and easier for me to “see”.

It was through each teacher’s guidance, leadership, mentoring, and training that I unravelled what I personally believed about being psychic or having intuitive gifts and abilities. I was a non-believer and had to practice and exercise my dormant abilities. This is how I am able to witness and hold the same space for others to do the same.

Whether one refers to him/herself as psychic, I want you to know, it's not a secret club. It is my firm belief that every human being can access their intuitive abilities — and that in learning to access and build on those skills, you can experience less anxiety and have more trust in yourself and the world.

Want more ways to enhance your abilities? Take a psychic class or meditate. Learn how to work with your guides by asking for what you need and trust your perceptions as truth. Become attuned to Reiki, or learn practical tools to keep your energetic centers open and in alignment. Keep a dream journal.

Psychic abilities are one of the greatest gifts of nature. They enable us to sense something beyond the realm of our existence. A connection to something so much larger than us. They are abilities that everyone possesses to some extent, although most of us go through life not realizing the vast potential that lies within us — and must be cultivated with intent. These abilities are more normal than the traditional modes of communication that we attribute to the spirit and which are limited through the five senses of the body. If anything, our psychic abilities and intuition become even more pronounced and astute with exercise and use, just like any other muscle or organ in our bodies, and incorporating them throughout your day is life transformative.

The Power of Boundaries: How Setting Limits Transforms Your Life

In today’s fast-paced world, learning to set boundaries is more than just a skill—it’s a cornerstone of mental health, emotional resilience, and healthy relationships. Boundaries create space for self-respect, protect your energy, and improve the quality of your interactions with others. Whether in personal relationships, at work, or in self-care, boundaries empower you to live authentically and stress-free.

In this blog, we’ll explore the importance of boundaries, how to set them effectively, and the transformative power they hold in every aspect of your life.

What Are Boundaries and Why Do They Matter?

Boundaries are the limits we establish to define what is acceptable and unacceptable in our lives. They act as invisible barriers, offering:

• Protection: Shielding your emotional, mental, and physical energy from being drained.

• Clarity: Helping you communicate your needs clearly and avoid misunderstandings.

• Empowerment: Giving you control over your choices and responses.

Healthy boundaries ensure you maintain your well-being while fostering mutual respect in relationships. Without them, you risk burnout, resentment, and feeling unappreciated.

The Benefits of Setting Boundaries

1. Improved Mental Health:
   Boundaries reduce stress, anxiety, and feelings of overwhelm by preventing overcommitment and emotional exhaustion.

2. Stronger Relationships:
   Clear boundaries create a foundation of trust and respect, allowing both parties to thrive.

3. Increased Self-Respect:
   Setting and honoring your limits demonstrates that you value your time, energy, and well-being.

4. Better Time Management:
   Saying “no” to what doesn’t serve you frees up time for what truly matters.

Types of Boundaries You Should Set

Boundaries exist across various aspects of life. Here are three main types to focus on:

1. Physical Boundaries

These involve your personal space, privacy, and physical needs.

• Example: “Please knock before entering my room.”

2. Emotional Boundaries

These help protect your feelings and energy from being depleted by others.

• Example: “I’m not comfortable discussing this topic right now.”

3. Spiritual Boundaries

These safeguard your beliefs and values, ensuring they are respected by others.

• Example: “I need time for meditation and reflection daily.”

How to Set Healthy Boundaries

Establishing boundaries can feel challenging, especially if you’re used to people-pleasing or avoiding conflict. Here are practical steps to help you set and maintain healthy limits:

1. Identify Your Needs

Understand what drains your energy or makes you uncomfortable. Reflect on what changes would improve your well-being.

2. Use “I” Statements

Communicate your needs without blaming others.

• Example: “I need some time alone to recharge” instead of “You’re too demanding.”

3. Be Clear and Direct

Ambiguity leads to confusion. State your boundaries in simple, straightforward language.

• Example: “I’m unavailable for work calls after 6 PM.”

4. Follow Through

Enforce your boundaries consistently. If you don’t honor your own limits, others won’t either.

5. Practice Self-Soothing

Setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable, but learning to self-regulate will ease the process. Meditation, journaling, or deep breathing can help you stay grounded.

Overcoming Common Boundary-Setting Challenges

Setting boundaries can be difficult, especially if you fear conflict or rejection. Here’s how to navigate common obstacles:

1. Guilt:
   Remember, saying “no” to others is saying “yes” to yourself. Boundaries are not selfish—they’re necessary.

2. Pushback:
   Some people may resist your boundaries, especially if they’ve benefited from your lack of them. Stay firm and remind yourself of your worth.

3. Uncertainty:
   If you’re unsure where to start, focus on small changes. Each step builds confidence.

How Boundaries Transform Your Life

When you set and maintain boundaries, you create space for growth, self-care, and meaningful connections. Here’s how boundaries empower different areas of life:

• Work-Life Balance: Prevent burnout by setting limits on overtime and after-hours communication.

• Relationships: Foster deeper, healthier connections by ensuring mutual respect and understanding.

• Self-Care: Prioritize your needs, creating time for rest, hobbies, and personal growth.

The Link Between Boundaries and Emotional Healing

Boundaries also play a crucial role in emotional healing. By protecting your physical, emotional, and spiritual layers—also known as your auric field—you create a safe space for self-reflection and recovery. Each boundary strengthens your connection with your inner self and promotes long-term resilience.

Final Thoughts

The power of boundaries lies in their ability to transform your life from chaos to clarity, from stress to serenity. By setting and honoring your limits, you take control of your energy, relationships, and well-being.

Start small, stay consistent, and remember—you deserve to live a life that respects your needs and values.

💡 Ready to embrace the power of boundaries? Share your experiences or tips in the comments below!

Transforming Generational Trauma into Personal Power

Generational trauma—unspoken pain passed down through families—can feel like a heavy, invisible chain, but it doesn't have to define your future. By recognizing these inherited wounds, you can break the cycle and transform them into a source of personal strength. In this post, we’ll explore how to identify generational trauma, take actionable steps toward healing, and reclaim your power.

What Is Generational Trauma?

Generational trauma, also known as intergenerational trauma, refers to the psychological and emotional wounds passed down from one generation to the next. These can manifest in:

• Family dynamics: Patterns like emotional neglect, abuse, or abandonment.

• Beliefs and behaviors: Fear of failure, low self-worth, or perfectionism.

• Physical health: Chronic stress and related conditions like anxiety or depression.

Trauma that isn’t addressed becomes embedded in the family system, subtly influencing attitudes, choices, and relationships over decades.

The Impact of Generational Trauma

Unresolved trauma can show up in your life as:

• Difficulty forming healthy relationships

• Struggles with self-esteem and confidence

• Anxiety, depression, or other mental health challenges

• A sense of being stuck in repeating cycles

By becoming aware of these inherited patterns, you create an opportunity for change—not just for yourself, but for future generations.

Steps to Transform Generational Trauma into Personal Power

1. Acknowledge the Patterns

Awareness is the first step to transformation. Look at your family history and personal behaviors with curiosity, not judgment. Ask yourself:

• Are there recurring themes in my family (e.g., addiction, emotional suppression)?

• How have these patterns affected my beliefs, relationships, and choices?

2. Seek Support

Healing generational trauma often requires more than self-reflection. Consider:

• Therapy: Techniques like EMDR, somatic experiencing, or family systems therapy can help you process inherited pain.

• Support groups: Find connection with others navigating similar journeys.

3. Develop Self-Awareness Tools

Mindfulness practices can help you tune into your emotions and reactions. Try:

• Journaling: Write about the emotions that arise in response to family patterns.

• Meditation: Create space to observe without judgment.

• Body awareness: Recognize where trauma might be stored physically.

4. Rewrite the Narrative

You have the power to create a new story for yourself. Replace limiting beliefs with empowering affirmations. For example:

• Instead of: “I’ll never be good enough,” try: “I am capable and worthy.”

5. Break the Cycle

Commit to making choices that reflect your new awareness. This may mean:

• Setting boundaries with family members

• Creating healthy relationship patterns

• Teaching your children emotional intelligence

How Transforming Trauma Creates Personal Power

When you heal, you transform inherited pain into strength. Personal power comes from:

• Self-awareness: Understanding yourself deeply and honoring your needs.

• Resilience: Overcoming challenges strengthens your confidence.

• Empathy: Your journey allows you to connect with and support others.

Every step you take toward healing is an act of courage. It not only liberates you but also creates a ripple effect, empowering those around you and paving the way for future generations.

Why Now Is the Time to Heal

Breaking the cycle of generational trauma isn’t just a personal decision—it’s a revolutionary act. In a world where trauma is often normalized, choosing healing is a bold statement of self-love and growth.

Start Your Journey Today

Transforming generational trauma into personal power takes time, effort, and courage, but the rewards are worth it. By acknowledging the pain, seeking help, and embracing self-compassion, you can rewrite your family’s story and step into your full potential.

Conclusion:
Healing generational trauma is a profound journey of reclaiming your voice and breaking free from inherited pain. The power to change begins with you—start now, and transform your past into a legacy of strength.

#GenerationalTrauma #HealingJourney #BreakTheCycle #PersonalEmpowerment #EmotionalResilience #TransformingTrauma #IntergenerationalHealing

Somatic Healing: Reconnecting with Your Body After Trauma

Trauma has a profound effect on the body and mind, often leaving survivors feeling disconnected from their physical selves. Somatic healing offers a transformative approach to trauma recovery, emphasizing the reconnection between mind and body. This guide delves into somatic healing, explaining its benefits, techniques, and why it's a powerful tool for trauma recovery.

What is Somatic Healing?

Somatic healing is a body-centered approach to trauma therapy. Unlike traditional talk therapy, which focuses on cognitive processing, somatic healing recognizes that trauma is often stored in the body. This method helps release tension, emotional pain, and unresolved trauma through physical awareness and movement.

How Trauma Affects the Body

Trauma disrupts the body’s natural balance. Prolonged stress can result in:

• Chronic tension or pain

• Fatigue and low energy

• Difficulty regulating emotions

• Disconnection from physical sensations

The body’s fight-or-flight response may remain activated, creating a cycle of stress that feels impossible to escape. Somatic healing helps break this cycle by teaching the body to release stored trauma and reestablish a sense of safety.

Benefits of Somatic Healing for Trauma Recovery

1. Reconnection with Your Body: Trauma often causes dissociation or detachment from physical sensations. Somatic healing restores the mind-body connection, grounding you in the present.

2. Emotional Regulation: By addressing trauma stored in the nervous system, somatic practices help reduce anxiety, stress, and emotional overwhelm.

3. Improved Physical Health: Releasing tension and trauma stored in the body can alleviate chronic pain, fatigue, and other physical symptoms.

4. Empowerment: Somatic healing teaches you to listen to your body’s signals, empowering you to respond to your needs with care and compassion.

Top Somatic Healing Techniques

1. Body Awareness Practices

   • Pay attention to physical sensations without judgment.

   • Start small: Notice your breath, tension in your shoulders, or the way your feet feel on the ground.

2. Grounding Exercises

   • Reconnect to the present moment by engaging your senses.

   • Example: Press your feet firmly into the floor, notice textures around you, or focus on deep, slow breaths.

3. Somatic Experiencing

   • A trauma-specific method developed by Dr. Peter Levine, focusing on releasing stored energy in the nervous system.

4. Movement and Dance

   • Engage in mindful movement to express emotions and release tension. Yoga, tai chi, and freeform dance are particularly effective.

5. Touch Therapy

   • Therapeutic touch techniques like massage or craniosacral therapy can help release trauma stored in muscles and tissues.

6. Breathwork

   • Conscious breathing techniques calm the nervous system, release tension, and improve emotional regulation.

How to Start Your Somatic Healing Journey

1. Work with a Certified Somatic Therapist: A trained professional can guide you through practices tailored to your needs and trauma history.
2. Incorporate Daily Practices: Start with simple exercises, like body scans or grounding, to build awareness and comfort with your physical self.
3. Be Patient: Healing from trauma takes time. Approach your journey with kindness and curiosity, not judgment.

Somatic Healing and Trauma Recovery: A Holistic Path Forward

Trauma recovery is deeply personal, and somatic healing offers a compassionate, effective path for those seeking to reconnect with their bodies. By addressing the physical impact of trauma, this approach promotes holistic healing, empowering survivors to move forward with resilience and self-compassion.

Whether you’re new to somatic healing or exploring additional trauma recovery methods, reconnecting with your body is a powerful step toward reclaiming your life.

By incorporating somatic practices into your life, you can embrace a deeper connection to your body, unlock stored trauma, and find lasting peace.

Ready to begin your journey? Share your thoughts or favorite healing practices in the comments below!

The Invisible Wound: Life with Emotionally Unavailable Caregivers

When we think of childhood wounds, physical scars or obvious trauma often come to mind. Yet, there’s a more insidious wound that many carry into adulthood—the one inflicted by emotionally unavailable caregivers. This invisible injury shapes how we perceive ourselves, others, and the world. It’s a silent struggle that leaves lasting marks on self-esteem, relationships, and emotional well-being.

What Does It Mean to Have Emotionally Unavailable Caregivers?

Emotionally unavailable caregivers are those who, due to their own struggles, fail to provide the emotional support, presence, and validation children need. This isn’t always intentional; these caregivers may be dealing with:

• Unresolved trauma from their own childhood.

• Mental health challenges like depression or anxiety.

• Addiction or substance abuse.

• A lack of emotional skills, stemming from cultural or generational norms.

Rather than creating a secure environment where emotions are nurtured, they may:

• Dismiss or ignore their child’s feelings.

• Respond inconsistently—warm one moment, detached the next.

• Demand emotional labor from their child, reversing the parent-child dynamic.

The Lasting Impact of Emotional Unavailability

Living with emotionally unavailable caregivers often results in:

1. Struggles with Emotional Regulation

Children of these caregivers often suppress their own emotions to avoid rejection or criticism. As adults, they may struggle to identify, express, or even feel their emotions fully.

2. Low Self-Esteem

When a caregiver doesn’t acknowledge or validate a child’s feelings, the child internalizes the belief that they’re unworthy of love or attention. This can lead to a persistent sense of inadequacy.

3. Difficulty Building Healthy Relationships

Without a model for secure attachment, adult relationships often feel unsteady. People may find themselves drawn to emotionally unavailable partners, recreating the familiar dynamics of their childhood.

4. A Fear of Vulnerability

Opening up emotionally may feel risky or even dangerous for those who grew up with emotionally distant caregivers. This fear can lead to isolation or surface-level connections.

Recognizing the Invisible Wound

Identifying these wounds is the first step toward healing. Signs you may have experienced emotional neglect include:

• A pervasive feeling of emptiness or emotional numbness.

• Difficulty identifying or trusting your emotions.

• Constantly seeking external validation or approval.

• Struggling with boundaries, often putting others’ needs above your own.

Healing from Emotional Neglect

While these wounds run deep, healing is possible. Here are steps to begin the journey:

1. Acknowledge the Wound

Recognizing the impact of emotionally unavailable caregivers can be painful but liberating. It’s not about blame—it’s about understanding your story.

2. Seek Professional Support

Therapists trained in childhood emotional neglect (CEN) or attachment theory can provide valuable tools for processing these experiences and building healthier patterns.

3. Learn Emotional Skills

Practicing mindfulness, journaling, or attending emotional intelligence workshops can help reconnect you to your feelings and develop healthier emotional regulation.

4. Set Boundaries

If your caregivers remain emotionally unavailable, it’s crucial to establish boundaries to protect your well-being while maintaining a relationship on your terms.

5. Build Secure Attachments

Surround yourself with emotionally healthy people who support and validate you. Over time, these connections can model the emotional safety you lacked in childhood.

Turning Pain into Power

The invisible wounds left by emotionally unavailable caregivers don’t have to define you. While they shape your past, they don’t dictate your future. By acknowledging the hurt, seeking help, and practicing self-compassion, you can transform the pain into a source of strength.

Healing is not linear, but each step you take is a declaration of your worthiness. You are not the emotional neglect you endured—you are the resilience you’ve built.

FAQs on Emotionally Unavailable Caregivers

1. How can I tell if my caregiver was emotionally unavailable?

Signs include lack of warmth or affection, dismissiveness toward your feelings, or an overemphasis on achievements over emotional connection.

2. Can emotionally unavailable parents change?

Yes, but only if they acknowledge their behavior and seek to improve. However, change isn’t guaranteed, and your healing doesn’t have to depend on theirs.

3. What are the best resources for healing from emotional neglect?

Books like Running on Empty by Dr. Jonice Webb and therapy approaches like Inner Child Work or Attachment Therapy are great starting points.

Life with emotionally unavailable caregivers is challenging, but it’s not the end of your story. You can rewrite your narrative, learning to nurture yourself in ways you never received. Remember, the most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one with yourself.

If this resonates with you, share your thoughts or story in the comments below. Let’s heal together.

#EmotionallyUnavailableCaregivers #EmotionalHealing #ChildhoodTrauma #SelfCompassion #MentalHealthMatters #HealingJourney #InvisibleWound

Personality Disorders 101: Understanding Different Types and Their Tendencies

Personality disorders are complex mental health conditions that affect how individuals think, feel, and interact with others. With a prevalence of approximately 9-15% in the global population, understanding these disorders is crucial for reducing stigma and fostering empathy. In this guide, we’ll explore the different types of personality disorders, their tendencies, and how they manifest in daily life.

What Are Personality Disorders?

Personality disorders are a group of mental health conditions characterized by long-term patterns of behavior, thoughts, and emotions that deviate from societal norms. These patterns can cause significant distress and impairments in personal, social, and occupational functioning.

The Three Clusters of Personality Disorders

Mental health professionals group personality disorders into three clusters based on similar characteristics.

Cluster A: The "Odd or Eccentric" Disorders

These disorders are marked by unusual behaviors, distorted thinking, and social withdrawal.

1. Paranoid Personality Disorder

   • Key Traits: Distrust, suspicion, and interpreting others’ motives as malevolent.

   • Tendencies: Avoidance of close relationships, hypersensitivity to criticism.

2. Schizoid Personality Disorder

   • Key Traits: Detachment from social relationships, limited emotional expression.

   • Tendencies: Preference for solitude, lack of interest in social connections.

3. Schizotypal Personality Disorder

   • Key Traits: Eccentric behavior, magical thinking, discomfort with close relationships.

   • Tendencies: Odd speech patterns, unusual perceptions, and fear of social intimacy.

Cluster B: The "Dramatic or Erratic" Disorders

These disorders are characterized by intense emotions, impulsivity, and unpredictable behavior.

1. Antisocial Personality Disorder

   • Key Traits: Disregard for rules, lack of empathy, manipulative tendencies.

   • Tendencies: Aggression, deceitfulness, and failure to conform to social norms.

2. Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

   • Key Traits: Instability in relationships, self-image, and emotions.

   • Tendencies: Fear of abandonment, impulsive behavior, and intense mood swings.

3. Histrionic Personality Disorder

   • Key Traits: Excessive attention-seeking, emotionality, and desire for approval.

   • Tendencies: Dramatic expressions of emotion, superficial relationships.

4. Narcissistic Personality Disorder

   • Key Traits: Grandiosity, need for admiration, lack of empathy.

   • Tendencies: Exploiting others, fragile self-esteem, and sensitivity to criticism.

Cluster C: The "Anxious or Fearful" Disorders

These disorders involve pervasive feelings of fear, insecurity, and the need for control.

1. Avoidant Personality Disorder

   • Key Traits: Extreme sensitivity to rejection, fear of inadequacy.

   • Tendencies: Avoiding social situations, low self-esteem, and reluctance to take risks.

2. Dependent Personality Disorder

   • Key Traits: Excessive reliance on others for emotional and decision-making support.

   • Tendencies: Difficulty being alone, submissive behavior, and fear of separation.

3. Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD)

   • Key Traits: Preoccupation with order, perfectionism, and control.

   • Tendencies: Rigidity, difficulty delegating, and excessive focus on rules.

Common Signs and Symptoms of Personality Disorders

While each personality disorder has distinct characteristics, some common signs include:

• Persistent difficulty forming or maintaining relationships.

• Rigid and extreme thinking patterns.

• Emotional instability or overreaction to stress.

• Difficulty understanding or empathizing with others.

Causes and Risk Factors

The exact cause of personality disorders remains unknown, but researchers suggest a combination of:

1. Genetics: A family history of mental health disorders increases risk.

2. Environmental Factors: Trauma, neglect, or abuse during childhood.

3. Brain Function: Differences in brain chemistry and structure.

Treatment Options for Personality Disorders

Effective treatment focuses on managing symptoms and improving quality of life. Common approaches include:

• Psychotherapy: Techniques like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) help individuals learn coping strategies.

• Medication: While no specific medication exists for personality disorders, antidepressants or mood stabilizers may address co-occurring symptoms.

• Support Groups: Sharing experiences with others who understand can provide comfort and perspective.

Breaking the Stigma Around Personality Disorders

One of the most significant challenges for individuals with personality disorders is societal stigma. Education and open conversations can help dispel myths, fostering understanding and compassion.

Final Thoughts

Understanding personality disorders requires empathy and awareness. By recognizing the signs, seeking proper treatment, and supporting loved ones, we can create a more inclusive and supportive environment for those living with these conditions.

Have questions or insights about personality disorders? Share your thoughts below or tag someone who might benefit from this information!

Smother Love: When Care Becomes Suffocating

Love is often celebrated as a selfless act of care and devotion. But what happens when that love crosses the line from nurturing to smothering? Smother love, though well-intentioned, can feel overwhelming, leaving its recipients feeling trapped, stifled, or even resentful. Understanding the signs of smothering, its psychological impacts, and how to set healthy boundaries can transform relationships and promote mutual respect and growth.

What Is Smother Love?

Smother love is a form of affection that becomes excessive or overbearing. It often stems from good intentions—wanting to protect, nurture, or connect deeply. However, when this care oversteps boundaries, it can feel controlling or invasive, rather than supportive.

Common characteristics of smother love include:

• Over-involvement: Constant checking in, offering unsolicited advice, or micromanaging.

• Lack of boundaries: Difficulty respecting personal space or autonomy.

• Emotional dependency: Using care as a way to maintain control or to fulfill one’s own emotional needs.

While the term is often associated with parenting, it can also manifest in romantic relationships, friendships, and even professional settings.

Signs You May Be Experiencing or Giving Smother Love

For the Recipient:

• You feel guilt or obligation to reciprocate care.

• Your personal decisions are questioned or overridden.

• You experience a loss of independence or autonomy.

• Emotional exhaustion or resentment begins to build.

For the Giver:

• You feel anxious or insecure when others assert independence.

• You equate closeness with constant interaction.

• You overstep boundaries, believing you know what’s “best” for the other person.

• You derive a sense of purpose or worth from being needed.

The Psychology Behind Smothering

Smother love often originates from unconscious fears or past trauma. For instance:

• Fear of abandonment: A person may overcompensate with care to prevent loved ones from leaving.

• Low self-esteem: They may seek validation through their caregiving role.

• Control issues: Smothering can be a way to maintain a sense of order or predictability in relationships.

Psychologists suggest that smothering is often rooted in attachment styles. People with anxious attachment may struggle to strike a balance between closeness and independence, leading to overbearing behaviors.

The Impact of Smother Love on Relationships

While smother love comes from a place of care, its effects can be damaging:

For the Recipient:

1. Loss of Identity: Over time, excessive care can stifle personal growth and self-expression.

2. Increased Anxiety: Feeling pressured to meet the giver’s expectations can be emotionally taxing.

3. Erosion of Trust: The lack of respect for boundaries can lead to feelings of resentment or detachment.

For the Giver:

1. Burnout: Constant caregiving without reciprocation can lead to emotional fatigue.

2. Relationship Strain: Overbearing behaviors often push loved ones away, the opposite of the desired outcome.

3. Unfulfilled Needs: Seeking validation through care may leave deeper emotional voids unaddressed.

How to Break Free from Smother Love

For the Recipient:

1. Set Clear Boundaries:
   Politely but firmly communicate your needs. Use “I” statements to express how certain behaviors make you feel.
   Example: “I appreciate your help, but I need space to handle this on my own.”

2. Prioritize Self-Care:
   Build time into your routine for self-reflection, hobbies, and personal growth to maintain independence.

3. Seek Support:
   If smothering behavior feels overwhelming, a therapist can help mediate conversations or guide you in setting boundaries.

For the Giver:

1. Reflect on Your Intentions:
   Ask yourself: “Am I offering help for their benefit, or to ease my own anxiety?”

2. Respect Autonomy:
   Recognize that love doesn’t mean controlling every aspect of someone’s life. Trust them to make their own decisions.

3. Develop Emotional Independence:
   Focus on meeting your own emotional needs through self-care, hobbies, or professional support.

Building Healthier Relationships

Smother love doesn’t have to define your relationships. Here are a few strategies for cultivating a balance between care and independence:

• Open Communication: Honest conversations about boundaries and needs foster mutual respect.

• Practicing Trust: Allow your loved ones to make mistakes and grow from them—it’s a sign of respect for their autonomy.

• Fostering Mutual Growth: Healthy relationships thrive when both parties are free to explore their individual identities while supporting one another.

Final Thoughts on Smother Love

Love should feel empowering, not stifling. By recognizing the signs of smothering, addressing the underlying fears, and cultivating healthy boundaries, relationships can transform into spaces of mutual growth and respect. Whether you’re the giver or recipient of smother love, learning to balance care with independence is one of the most profound acts of love you can offer.

How do you maintain balance in your relationships? Let us know in the comments below!

The Impact of Growing Up with Emotionally Immature Parents

The Impact of Growing Up with Emotionally Immature Parents

Growing up with emotionally immature parents can leave profound and lasting effects on children, shaping their emotional development, self-worth, and relationships into adulthood. While every experience is unique, understanding these impacts can be a transformative step toward healing and building healthier connections with yourself and others.

What Does It Mean to Have Emotionally Immature Parents?

Emotionally immature parents struggle to meet the emotional needs of their children due to their limited ability to regulate their own emotions or empathize deeply. They may exhibit:

• Self-centered behavior: Prioritizing their needs above their child's.

• Difficulty with vulnerability: Avoiding deep emotional conversations.

• Inconsistent emotional support: Oscillating between affection and detachment.

• A focus on control: Enforcing rigid rules while dismissing a child’s individuality.

Key Impacts on Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

1. Emotional Neglect and Suppression

Children raised in these environments often feel unseen or unheard. They may suppress their own emotions to avoid conflict or criticism, leading to difficulty identifying and expressing feelings later in life.

2. Low Self-Esteem

When emotional validation is absent, children internalize feelings of unworthiness. Constant criticism or neglect can lead to a persistent sense of inadequacy and a fear of rejection.

3. Difficulty Forming Healthy Relationships

Children of emotionally immature parents may struggle to build secure attachments. They often fall into patterns of people-pleasing, emotional withdrawal, or seeking validation from unavailable partners.

4. Overdeveloped Sense of Responsibility

Many children take on a caretaker role, feeling responsible for their parents’ emotions or family dynamics. This "parentified child" experience can result in burnout and resentment in adulthood.

5. Challenges with Emotional Regulation

Without healthy models for processing emotions, these individuals may struggle with managing anger, sadness, or anxiety. This can lead to cycles of emotional outbursts or internalized stress.

Healing from the Effects of Emotionally Immature Parenting

While the impacts of growing up with emotionally immature parents are significant, healing is entirely possible. Here are actionable steps to begin your journey:

1. Recognize and Validate Your Experience

Acknowledging the reality of your upbringing is the first step to healing. Understand that your parents’ emotional immaturity was not your fault or responsibility.

2. Develop Emotional Awareness

Reclaiming your emotions involves learning to identify, validate, and process your feelings. Practices like journaling, mindfulness, or therapy can help you reconnect with your emotional self.

3. Set Healthy Boundaries

Establish boundaries that protect your emotional well-being, especially if your parents continue to exhibit emotionally immature behaviors.

4. Seek Professional Support

Therapists specializing in childhood trauma or emotionally immature parenting can provide valuable tools for healing and self-discovery.

5. Reparent Yourself

Learning to nurture your inner child and meet your own emotional needs can fill the gaps left by your upbringing. This process fosters self-compassion and emotional resilience.

Final Thoughts

Growing up with emotionally immature parents is a challenge that can impact every area of your life, but it does not define your future. By recognizing these patterns and actively working to heal, you can break the cycle and create a healthier, more fulfilling life.

If you’re ready to embark on this healing journey, remember that you are not alone. Every step you take toward understanding and nurturing yourself is a step toward emotional freedom.

Looking for More Support?
Check out our resources and guides on overcoming childhood emotional neglect and building a resilient, self-compassionate life. Let’s heal together.

The Hidden Scars of Maternal Narcissism: Healing from Emotional Neglect and Abuse

Maternal narcissism leaves lasting scars that are often invisible to the outside world. For those who grow up under the shadow of a narcissistic mother, the emotional impact can ripple into every aspect of life—self-esteem, relationships, and mental health. This blog dives deep into the subtle yet profound wounds caused by maternal narcissism and how survivors can begin their journey to healing.

What Is Maternal Narcissism?

A narcissistic mother exhibits a lack of empathy, a need for control, and a tendency to prioritize her own needs above those of her children. Unlike nurturing caregivers, these mothers see their children as extensions of themselves, using manipulation, guilt, or criticism to maintain dominance.

Key characteristics of maternal narcissism include:

• Emotional Manipulation: Using guilt or shame to control behavior.

• Conditional Love: Affection is tied to achievements or compliance.

• Gaslighting: Denying or distorting reality to confuse and undermine confidence.

• Projection: Blaming the child for issues caused by the mother’s behavior.

The Hidden Scars Left Behind

Growing up with a narcissistic mother often results in long-lasting emotional wounds. These hidden scars may manifest as:

1. Low Self-Esteem
   Constant criticism or lack of unconditional love can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.

2. People-Pleasing Tendencies
   Children of narcissistic mothers often become hyper-attuned to others’ needs, sacrificing their own in the process.

3. Difficulty Setting Boundaries
   Having boundaries disrespected repeatedly can make it challenging to establish healthy limits in adulthood.

4. Fear of Abandonment
   Conditional love creates a deep fear of being left or rejected by others.

5. Emotional Dysregulation
   The lack of a secure emotional foundation can result in anxiety, depression, or difficulty managing emotions.

Recognizing the Impact in Adulthood

The effects of maternal narcissism don’t disappear with time. They often resurface in adult relationships, careers, and personal identity. Common signs include:

• Choosing toxic or narcissistic partners.

• Struggling with perfectionism or fear of failure.

• Difficulty trusting others or opening up emotionally.

How to Heal from Maternal Narcissism

Healing is possible, but it requires patience, self-compassion, and intentional effort. Here are steps to begin the recovery process:

1. Acknowledge the Truth
   Recognize the dynamics of your childhood and validate your emotions. Accepting the reality of the past is essential to moving forward.

2. Set Boundaries
   Protect yourself from further harm by creating firm boundaries with your mother or other toxic individuals.

3. Seek Therapy
   Working with a therapist can help you process childhood trauma, develop self-awareness, and rebuild your sense of self-worth.

4. Learn Self-Compassion
   Practice kindness toward yourself, especially when feelings of guilt or shame arise.

5. Build a Support System
   Surround yourself with people who offer genuine care and empathy.

6. Reparent Yourself
   Learn to meet your own emotional needs by nurturing your inner child.

Breaking the Cycle for Future Generations

If you are a parent, breaking free from the patterns of maternal narcissism is crucial. Embrace open communication, validate your child’s feelings, and model healthy boundaries to foster a loving and secure environment.

The Road to Recovery

Healing from the hidden scars of maternal narcissism isn’t easy, but it is transformative. By acknowledging the past, seeking support, and practicing self-love, you can break free from the emotional chains and create a life defined by authenticity, confidence, and peace.

Final Thoughts

Maternal narcissism leaves invisible wounds, but with time and effort, they can heal. If you’re on this journey, know that you’re not alone, and there’s hope for a brighter future.

Breaking the Cycle: Understanding and Overcoming Trauma Reenactment

Trauma can shape our lives in profound ways, often influencing our behaviors and relationships long after the event has passed. One of the most challenging patterns to recognize and address is trauma reenactment, a subconscious cycle where individuals recreate situations that mirror their past traumatic experiences. Breaking free from this cycle is crucial for healing and personal growth. In this blog, we’ll explore what trauma reenactment is, why it happens, and actionable steps to overcome it.

What Is Trauma Reenactment?

Trauma reenactment refers to the repetitive behaviors, emotions, or relational dynamics that echo unresolved traumatic events. This isn’t a conscious choice but a psychological attempt to process or gain control over past pain. Unfortunately, these patterns often result in retraumatization rather than resolution.

For example, someone who experienced emotional neglect in childhood may unconsciously seek out relationships where they feel unimportant or ignored, perpetuating the hurt rather than healing it.

Why Does Trauma Reenactment Happen?

To understand trauma reenactment, it’s important to recognize how trauma impacts the brain and body:

1. Unresolved Pain: Trauma often leaves unresolved emotions or unmet needs. Reenactment is an unconscious attempt to replay scenarios in hopes of achieving a different outcome.

2. Survival Mechanisms: Our brains are wired for survival. Trauma can cause the brain to become “stuck,” seeking familiarity—even if that familiarity is painful—because it feels predictable and safe.

3. Attachment Patterns: Trauma reenactment is often linked to insecure attachment styles, where early relationships set the stage for later relational patterns.

4. Emotional Dysregulation: The nervous system may become overactivated or underactivated, leading to behaviors that perpetuate the cycle of trauma.

Signs You May Be Experiencing Trauma Reenactment

Identifying the signs of trauma reenactment is the first step toward breaking the cycle. Common signs include:

• Repetitive Relationship Patterns: Consistently choosing partners or friends who mirror past abusive or neglectful dynamics.

• Emotional Flashbacks: Overreacting to situations in ways that reflect past trauma rather than present reality.

• Self-Sabotage: Engaging in behaviors that undermine your success or well-being.

• Difficulty Trusting Others: Pushing people away or clinging too tightly in relationships.

How to Break the Cycle of Trauma Reenactment

Breaking free from trauma reenactment requires conscious effort, self-awareness, and often professional support. Here are some strategies to help:

1. Recognize the Patterns

Awareness is key. Journaling about your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors can help you identify repetitive cycles in your life. Reflect on the relationships and situations that consistently cause distress.

2. Seek Professional Help

Therapies such as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Somatic Experiencing, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) are highly effective for addressing trauma. A trauma-informed therapist can help you process unresolved emotions and rewire your brain’s response to triggers.

3. Practice Emotional Regulation

Trauma often disrupts the body’s ability to self-regulate. Techniques such as:

• Mindfulness Meditation: Ground yourself in the present moment.

• Breathwork: Calm your nervous system through deep, intentional breathing.

• Body Awareness: Practices like yoga can help reconnect you with your body and release stored trauma.

4. Build Healthy Relationships

Surround yourself with supportive, empathetic individuals who respect your boundaries. Healthy relationships can serve as a corrective emotional experience, helping you develop trust and security.

5. Set Boundaries

Learn to identify and communicate your limits to others. Boundaries protect your emotional well-being and prevent retraumatization.

6. Reframe Your Narrative

Shifting your perspective about past trauma can empower you to break free from its hold. Work with a therapist to rewrite your story, transforming it from one of pain to one of resilience and growth.

7. Commit to Self-Compassion

Healing isn’t linear. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate the ups and downs of this journey. Celebrate small victories, and forgive yourself for setbacks.

The Role of Healing in Trauma Recovery

Healing from trauma isn’t about erasing the past—it’s about integrating your experiences into a narrative of strength and empowerment. By understanding trauma reenactment and actively working to break its cycle, you can reclaim your life and build healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

Conclusion: Embracing Freedom and Growth

Breaking the cycle of trauma reenactment is challenging but profoundly liberating. As you gain insight into your patterns and take steps to heal, you’ll open the door to a life of greater self-awareness, emotional freedom, and meaningful connections.

If you’re ready to take the next step, reach out to a trauma-informed professional or explore resources that support trauma recovery. Remember, healing is possible, and you don’t have to do it alone.

Share your thoughts below! What strategies have helped you break free from unhealthy patterns?

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