A popular term amongst many communities today is the term inner child. But what exactly does that mean? The inner child relates to the childlike aspects of your personality. And it is very real. Not literally, nor physically but figuratively, metaphorically real. And it is extraordinarily powerful, like most destructive behavior patterns are. Freud related the inner child to the unconscious part of ourselves. It includes what a person learned as a child, before puberty. The child we once were is still dwelling inside of us. Most adults have little to no awareness of this, and this lack of consciousness related to our own inner child, is where we can pinpoint the stem of many behavioral, emotional and relationship difficulties.

So as we age, we get older but the truth is the majority of adults are not truly adults at all. True adulthood centers on acknowledging, accepting, and taking responsibility for loving and nurturing one’s own inner child. For most adults, this never has a chance to happen. Instead, they neglect their inner child leaving that part of themselves feeling silenced, abandoned, ridiculed and rejected.

In society we are expected to “grow up” pushing childish things aside. To become adults, we’ve been taught that our inner child, which represents our child-like capacity for innocence, wonder, awe, joy, sensitivity and playfulness must be suppressed. The inner child encompasses these positive qualities. But it also holds our accumulated childhood hurts, traumas, fears and angers. “Grown-ups” are convinced they have successfully outgrown and left this child, and its emotional baggage behind. But this is far from the truth.

These particular adults are unknowingly and consistently being influenced by this unconscious inner child. For many, the emotionally wounded inner child inhabiting an adult body is the one directing their life, hijacking their ability to feel joy. This can lead to feelings of overwhelm, anxiety, insecurity, fear, inferiority, feeling small, lost or lonely. But if we think about it, these are common feelings a child would have caring for themselves in an adult world. So how do we heal this part of ourselves? Commonly called inner child (or shadow) work. Here are some helpful starting points:

1.       We must become conscious of our inner child. When we remain unconscious to our inner child it only empowers the dissociated inner child to take possession of the personality at times, and overpower the will of the adult through a trauma reaction.

2.       We must take our inner child seriously. This includes consciously communicating with that little girl or boy within, listening and acknowledging how they feel, and what they need from us in the here and now.

3.       As adults, we should not expect others to meet and soothe all of the unfulfilled childhood needs. They cannot. Authentic adulthood requires both accepting the painful past as well as taking responsibility for taking care of your inner child’s needs. Cultivating awareness to become a “good enough” and stable parent to him or her now, and continuing to make it a priority in the future.

We can all learn to work with our inner child, by learning to love and show up for them differently than our parents once did. It begins with acknowledgment and forgiveness for what has happened in the past, neutralizing the energy surrounding it, bringing karma and agreements into present time. In addition, showing you how your trauma manifests, and then effective ways of communicating whenever you are in a reactive state. If you are interested in knowing more, please book a FREE 15 minute connection call with me by clicking on the highlighted link. I look forward to speaking with you.